Music Forum / JDP's Music

hey guys i just finished two tracks today and more to come so i figure ill make my own topic.

http://www.ourstage....BTPJJN?u=48529e

http://www.ourstage....HGUDOE?u=48529e

thanks for listening
-JDP

As another NE rapper, I definitely appreciate this. Honestly, its a lot better than I was expecting, but there are a few things that I think could make this a lot better.

1. Mix up your delivery speed a little bit. Right now every thing is the same pace. Some parts would seem better faster and others would be slower.

2. Some of your rhymes just don't have any flow and sound a little choppy.

3. Please work on your punchlines. Right now they are pretty cheesy and aren't really clever at all. Hearing some of them took the seriousness out of the songs. A good punchline often takes something that has one meaning and breaking it down into something when a completely different meaning. A few of my favorites that I think serve as good examples are "I work magic with my girls not David but I cop a feel (copperfield)", "I diss members (dismember) of your crew like I am removing your limbs", "I have ten issues (tennis shoes) with this dude and I'm not talking sneakers"

4. I also noticed that you tend to save the rhymes for the very last word or so of each line, try mixing that up and putting some internal rhymes in each line including multiple words that rhyme and what not. Example: "This story is based loosely about a girl who knew me/her name was suzie she usually went out every day but tuesday" (notice all the rhymes within a simple bar)

A few things I really liked were the choruses/hooks and the instrumentals. Not to mention you had some good rhymes in there

Keep up the good work, I look forward to hearing more

thanks for the feedback inversed, glad you enjoyed it
-JDP

EDIT: so this is post number 4000? oh NE, where the fuck did my life go?
-JDP

Great production. I agree with above though,lyrics are pretty cheesey. I dont care if your trying to 'make it big'. Catchy hooks and heard much worse thats been released commercially

^thanks rrp.

i think my rapping has a lot of flaws that need to be worked out but i really like my delivery. im can only get better but ill keep yall posted when i have something else completed. i have about 7 tracks memorized now and will post more once i hit the studio back up
-JDP

Hatred Lies

Say I Made It

two new tracks guys, thanks for listening
-JDP