“Hi everybody, my name is Coaster Ed and I will be your VIP tour guide today as we venture through Dimensions: Realms of Creation,” said Coaster Ed. The VIP group was one of the largest the park had ever had as members of the New Element (NE) website and of course some friends and relatives of the parks creator Darren “Kumba” Collette were there to have a fun-filled day of ride, food and fun. In the group were; Corkscrewed, X250, JKay, Phatage, Steve, Xcoaster, MA, Tyandor, PyroPenguin, Metropole, Turtle, J K, geewhzz and even Kumba’s sister Bonnie with her friend LeBron. The group made there way through the turnstiles and into the park and were immediately met by the park’s massive 1/32 scale model. “What we have here is way better than a real park map, it’s the park itself” explained Coaster Ed as the crowd gathered around to get a better look. X250 decided to be a wiseass and throw a soccer ball at Riperator and knocked out a few of its supports. Before anyone could respond, Tyandor said, “Why is it covered in lizards?” Coaster Ed pointed to a sign that read, “Park guests are represented by lizards due to the fact that real people would cause too much damage”. Sure enough on closer inspection the lizards were enjoy the park much like people; they were Green Anoles in the maze, a bunch of Geckos on the rapids and a pair of Brown Anoles mating poolside at the mini club rex.

Next, the group made their way to the entrances specialty shops where they checked out the many marbles, comics and sports cards on display. Geewhzz and J K decided to try their luck at the park’s huge grab claw game. Out of nowhere a loud scream split the air as the massive claw pulled NE Moderator Levis up by his earlobe. “What the hell were you doing in there Levis?” asked Turtle. “I was sleeping,” said Levis. “All those soft toys are comfy and I deserve a brake being one of the last NE members still working here.” This last statement was true; the mass number of friends hired to work in the park had dwindled to near non-existence since the park opened late in May ‘07. The NE members were among the first to get fired. Guys like Titan and Blitz would go on about how many garbage bags they could change and how much vomit they could scrap, but the ended up just relaxing all day instead and were fired in less then 24 hours. Now the group descended into the casino area of the DRC Hotel and Casino. This is where Ed said they were likely to join up with Kumba, but there was no sign of him. The group was allowed to split up for 15 minutes to play some games. Xcoaster saw Austin Powers and Gymkid and went over to join him by the railing that separated the poker tables from the casino and they watch the likes of Doyle Brunson, Chris “Jesus” Ferguson and Phil Hellmuth play some hands as they discussed what a massive letdown their H2H4 week 9 park was. Bonnie and LeBron hit the blackjack table, Steve and Pyro played craps and Cork, JKay and Phatage made some Keno bets. A heavy set man playing Roulette tossed both his hands in the air and bellowed “NUMBER 28 AGAIN!” which turned many people’s heads. “Everyone, this gentleman is Kumba’s Dad. The women next to him on the scooter, is Kumba’s Mother”. The tour group members within earshot greeted Kumba’s parents and informed them what an amazing parkmaker they had raised. Soon 15 minutes had passed and the group started to get back together as it was time to head over to the Dino Digs area. Although Steve and Pyro were up $2,000 at the craps table they decided to stick around and ride the rush. Pyro said, “Gimme a 9 baby! Steve blow on my dice!” To leave the entrance and head to the Dino Digs the group had to descend 60ft to the park’s main level. “This is one of the more unique features of the park,” announced Ed “Here there are three different ways to reach the main level. I will give $20 to whoever touches it first, GO!” And with that there was a scramble for the lift, elevator and spiral staircase. Metropole and MA took the elevator, but it stalled and they spend most of the day stuck in it. J K won the bet within 6 seconds after the word go, but unfortunately the jump had broken both his legs. Stepping over his body, the group played one quick round of mini-golf and then navigated their way through and around the massive stone blocks that spelled out the areas name, “The Dino Digs 2”

Some members of the group approached with trepidation. Only about 2 years ago in the original Dino Digs (Located in Darwood Grove Themepark also made by Kumba), Cork was nearly killed by a baby T-Rex, Blitz fell into a tar pit, sub-par rapper Outlaw spontaneously combusted and Ed had a very bad out of body experience. To the group’s pleasure, they noticed quite a few more NE members enjoying the area and as it turned out dozens of NE members were at the park, likely due to the rock bottom “Original NE Member” rate/airfare the park promotes. At this point the tour group started to go their own ways. JKay and X250 got on Dem Bones and had X250 seemed to really enjoying spitting on stuff from his inverted seat, while JKay covered his face to avoid anything caught by the wind. geewhzz had met up with his buddy CedarPoint6 and they did vodka shots at club Rex’s bar until they both had puked themselves dry. Corkscrewed treaded carefully with Turtle in an effort to bypass the area. Cork was very scared of Dinosaurs now and feared another encounter. He also seemed put off by the path and tip-toed around in slow circles glancing at all the bushes path side, checking that there were no Dinosaurs within them. Finally Cork and an amused looking Turtle got to the bridge. “Well, I made it out okay Jem!” exclaimed Cork, but just as he said it he turned into the Mt. Morbid area he was hit squarely in the testis’s by the front wheel of an oncoming service seating delivery bike and laid moaning in pain on the ground for the better part of the day.

Meanwhile, the rest of the group was enjoying the Dino Digs. X250 and JKay had just gotten off Dem Bones, and met up with Coaster Ed, Xcoaster as well as Fatha, Panic and Blitz. The six of them headed over to club Rex to catch the 3pm wet-T-shirt contest. On the way into the club they had a run-in with one of the area’s talking dinos. “You rocking a thong?!” asked the animatronics Dinosaur. This was greeted with 5 chuckles. For some reason, Panic seemed nervous and X250 picked up on it. “What, you wearing a thong,” he asked. Panic looked scared and shook his head, but X250 was not convinced and grabbed Panic, bent him over his knee and pulled down his pants to reveal a bright pink man-thong. X250 roared with laughter as the others looked shocked and Panic ran away. At this point, Fatha proclaimed “Now I really need to see some tits,” and the guys proceeded a man (thong wearer) down. The guys had a great time checking out all the hot chicks and listening to the awesome blaring rap music. Xcoaster wow’ed everyone with some insane moves on the bogie board, NE members, Iceman, FK, ChillerHockey33, RCFanB&M, Loopy, Junya Boy, Drew, Marshy, Ride_Exchanger and hpg were all in the pool playing volleyball, Fatha’ and JKay smoked some pot while watching the wet T-shirt contest, Coaster Ed was even pulled onto the stage by a wet T-shirt contestant and grinded with her as his face turned red and X250 climbed into the bone dancers cage to hit on the girl inside and proceeded to use the worst pick-up line in the history of mankind when he said “I hope you are constipated… because I want to fuck the shit out of you.” She slapped him so hard he fell out of the cage and looked disappointed his clever line had failed.

Over on Riperator Phatage, Tyandor and Levis were just just exiting the ride to head over and go on Dinolishion Derby when they saw Glory, JJ, Marshy and RCTCA approaching them. At that very moment a Raptor leapt from the bushes and slashed the four of them to pieces as Phatage, Tyandor and Levis ran for it. However, the dinosaur was busy eating his four victims and the three were no longer in danger. At this point the all picked different cars to use against each, but in the end Tyandor’s Bumper car had done the most damage. Now the guys decided to grab some food and wait for Ed and the group to catch up with them and then they could all enter Mt. Morbid Together. Sure enough the tour group was back up to about full strength as Ed checked off the names of Phatage, Turtle, Levis, JKay, Blitz, Fatha’, Tyandor, Xcoaster, Bonnie, LeBron and X250. “Okay guys,” called Ed to the group at large, “We also have some more NE’ers joining us for the monster scrumping show,” he said indicating cBass, 5Dave, artist (Chris), Six Frags and ekimmel. “Also guys, I just called Kumba and he said he will meet us shortly for the show.” They entered the stadium and for the next 25 minutes enjoyed the exciting spectacle of watching people attempt to steal eggs/larva from a giant animatronic monster. After the show, the group once again split up and planned to meet up an hour later to enter the Valley of Sand area. Kumba did not show up to the show, and was still missing in action. 5Dave, Tyandor and Six Frags went to ride Bastard Blaster, Chris, Blitz and Turtle went on Blender 2, cBass, JKay, Fatha’ and Ed went to eat at the morbid café and the rest of the group decided to try the hardcore tour.

While eating at the morbid café, cBass noticed a familiar looking face peering at him hopelessly from behind the glass the allowed guests to see directly in to the café’s kitchen. “Hey, that big cook with the gray hair and farmer’s tan looks kinda like Toon,” said cBass. The guys then got up and walked over to the glass to see if he would recognize them. “Hey Toon, is that you?” called JKay while knocking on the glass to get his attention. The man looked startled and approached the glass, but did not say anything. “Toon?” called Ed, but the man put a hand to his ear, mouthed wordlessly and it became clear that the glass was too thick to speak through. Catching on Fatha pulled out a piece of paper and wrote, ‘Toon is that you?’ and held it up. The man nodded and then opened his mouth and exhaled onto the glass and after looking over his shoulder nervously used his finger to trace the word, ‘help.’ Taken aback, the guys soon noticed his leg was chained to a nearby table. However, before anyone could really react, a voice came over a PA system to make an announcement. “Blender 2 will be closed indefinitely due to a major malfunction. Please avoid the area where it is located.”

Nightmare was also closed now and the group was un-able to ride the park’s tallest and fastest ride. As they walked past the gory and gooey gift shop they saw a middle aged looking man staring up at the mountain. Ed then said, “I think that might be Mala?” But, before the group had approached him a man with a brown beard, wearing a cowboy hat came up behind him. Without turning to look at the man wearing the cowboy hat Mala said. “This Mountain is very picturesque.” The man in the cowboy hat then said, “I would say it's statuesque.” At the moment Mala turned and locked eyes with Chuck Norris. Three seconds later the scene seemed to explode and a small group of nearby, NE members (Xin, Zodiac, Gwazi and tracidEdge) were killed by the aftershock as Norris attempted to roundhouse kick Mala, but Mala dodged the kick and teleported behind Norris and tugged on his beard from behind. Norris attempted another roundhouse kick that only glanced Mala and again had his beard tugged on. The group watched the battle from a distance for a few minutes, but it just seemed to repeat itself and neither gained much of an advantage. Ed claimed it would not end until about a year after the Sun dies and earth is sucked into its black whole. So, now the group went on to the masochistic midway to play some themed carnival games. As the group entered near the skull cage they saw a guy with a large bush of curly hair playing the basketball game. “Kumba?” asked ekimmel. The man turned around, smiled and said “Yeah that’s it’s me.” So they had finally found Kumba. According to the rebounded he had been playing the basketball game for hours, as he does most days. So now Kumba joined the group, they played a few more games and then entered the Valley of Sand together.

Kumba and Ed lead the way through the areas huge wooden welcome sign and immediately the group decided to enter the par’s giant maze, “Labrin.” Once inside, the group split and went several ways trying to find a way out, or maybe the hidden treasure chamber. Kumba was in one of the larger groups with Xcoaster, Tyandor, JKay, cBass, Levis, and Ride6, & RCTNW who had just joined the throng. Soon the guys found their way into the riddle chamber where they had to solve a riddle to pass. “What is invisible that you can put in a barrel to make it lighter?” asked the riddle master. “Beats me.” Ride6 groaned and side stepped the riddle master, “I have some gold to find!” It happened in a split second, the riddle master turned and speared Ride6 right through the chest killing him on impact and then he said, “That answer is incorrect.” Shocked the guys backed into the corner and looked to Kumba. “You would need to put a hole in the barrel,” said Kumba calmly and the riddle master let them pass over Ride6’s lifeless body. As the guys continued to navigate the maze, they came across a very tall guy who was busy reaching in a clay pot apparently looking for something. “iris is that you?” asked RCTNW. “Yeah, hey guys.” Iris then explained that he had been in the maze for nearly a week searching for the clues that would lead him to the treasure chamber. “Well, I could just let you in you know” said Kumba. At this iris smashed the clay pot and cursed, but join the group anyways. “Hey Kumba, didn’t you also make treasure chambers in AC?” asked iris. “Huh, I don’t recall,” said Kumba scratching his head. With Kumba in the group the guys would just asked him where to go if they got lost and soon advanced passed the rope maze, docks, and cave, all while Kumba picked up the clues that would lead to finding the key to the chamber. Finally they reached the chamber door and its armed guard. After the Ride6 incident no one tried anything clever. Kumba gave the guard the password and the guys entered the chamber. They all split up to check out the numerous valuable goods scattered about. Just as Kumba and Xcoaster were examining a few golden coins they heard a loud scream from within the chamber. As they turned a corner they saw Tyandor lying on the floor bleeding from his shoulder and supported by iris. “A snake came out of this gold vase and bite him!” shouted iris. As he spoke the guys saw snakes emerging from the surrounding treasures. All thoughts of making off with loads of gold had left them and the guys ran out of the chamber and burst out onto the main path.

Tyandor had been the last to get out and had collapsed to the ground in great pain. “Those snakes must be poisonous,” said Levis. “Kumba why the hell do you have poisonous snakes in your park!” demanded iris. “I don’t! I have never seen them before,” said Kumba in a slight panic. Kumba then pulled out a walkie-talkie and ordered that “Labrin” be closed for snake removal. Sadly, Tyandor died right there on the path and was later removed from view by a janitor. However, the group moved on and soon found some other members of their group that had exited the maze the normal (snake free) way. Together they all set out into the valley where they planned to go on Mirage, Leverage swinger and the Flying Jenny. For the umpteenth time the group divided and planned to meet up an hour later to enter the Earth’s Fury area. Kumba was now with X250, ekimmel, Six Frags, 5Dave and Pathage. They all headed over to the forum of great minds to marvel at Mirage’s hacked-broken loop which was one of the most unique and complex features the park has to offer. While the guys admired it and some of the surrounding tribute pillars, they overheard a woman shout, “You’ll need to pay for that!” It had seemed Steve and Pyro had either cashed or crapped out and got back into the park itself. It also seemed that Steve had broken a pot while tripping over a plant. The Platia Plant Sanctuary was ran by Buckeye Becky and Emergo who had just noticed Kumba’s group. “Hello everyone,” said Emergo, “Anyone want to buy a Palmegranate plant?” Kumba then gave quite an unexpected reply, “One sec, you mislabel the sign, it is spelled P-o-m-e-g-r-a-n-a-t-e.” Kumba drew a few surprised looks and Becky fixed the sign. Next they guys bought a few things from the shop (mostly seeds and X250 got some mushrooms with particular side effects…), and then continued on to Mirage. 

When the guys reached the entrance to Mirage, they stood stock still mesmerized by what they saw. “Gold!” shouted Six Frags. “Half naked babes!” exclaimed 5Dave. “A flying green monkey has stolen our shampoo!” screamed X250 in a panic and he tore off in the opposite direction (he had taken some of his mushrooms). Before Kumba or any of the park staff could do anything, Six Frags and 5Dave both ran for their hearts desires. However, when Six Frags reached his gold, he found nothing but plastic gold poker ships and 5Dave only had his hand on a mannequin’s boob. “Guys do you really think we would leave gold and women lying around like that?” asked Kumba, “They are just projections… well the girls are real. We film them weekly from my private office…” Six Frags and 5Dave relaxed a bit and then they went on Mirage with ekimmel and Phatage. Kumba had decided to pass on the ride and instead have a snack at smorgasbord where he watched the coaster flip out of it’s station, make a 360 degree turn, invert its famous loop, climb its dropback tower and fall, twist around some turns and do another fallback, narrowly pass under the steps to the area, gain an extra burst of speed and flip through it’s half loop and dive underground and then… it did not resurface for it’s semi invisible helix. Kumba sat dumbstruck, with no idea what happened to the coaster and his friends, but he feared the worst.

Kumba took out his walkie-talkie to try and contact the ride op., but the signal seemed to be dead. Even though fairly concerned about the safety of his rides, Kumba decide to continue. There were only 10 minutes until the group was to meet at the entrance to the Earth’s Fury area, so Kumba waited there. Soon he was joined by Ed, JKay, Fatha, Levis, Xcoaster, Steve, iris, as well as Pyro and cBass who were trying to restrain X250 who was still tripping off his mushrooms. The guys then passed under the giant welcome sign and into the Earth’s Fury area where they had already decided they wanted to first go on the revamped “Mega Tsunami” which was recently turned into a laydown flat ride. “I think I will pass guys; I really am worried about the safety on these rides today,” said Kumba to the surprise of the guys. Despite his concerns, everyone else went on it and left Kumba waiting out in front where he tied X250 to a nearby fence. While the guys were being flipped and dipped in the park’s lake, Kumba spotted Posix and Magnus talking in rapid German. “Hey guys, what is going on?” called Kumba. Posix and Magnus camed over and Posix said, “I am glad to see you; something horrible has happened. We were about to go on that spinning pod ride on the island, egg_Head and Fisch were riding it and then both their restraints opened and they were jammed in the pod…” Magnus then added what Kumba figured had happened, “They are both dead.” At this point Kumba was really freaked out and turned quickly to see if his friends were ok on Mega Tsunami. With a great feeling of relief he saw them unloading. The ride had ended safely. “See Kumba, nothing to worry about.” But just as Steve said it, the ride fell over and collapsed into the lake and ironically created a small tsunami that washed up onto the path and swept everyone off their feet and Levis, Magnus and Pyro fell into the ride area of rampage rapids’s chemical spill where they perished. 

“Now do you believe me?” shouted Kumba, who had just finished ringing out his soaking wet T-shirt. “Yeah I guess so,” said Fatha who then added slowly, “Kumba, why don’t you have a belly button?” Kumba looked puzzled and shrugged. Deeply concerned for their safety the guys decide to head back to the entrance and leave the park, even if that meant they missed some of the best rides like Hurricane X and the rapids a few of their number had unfortunately already seen. The guys stayed in a tight group as they made their way through the area and to the entrance. As they neared the parks time capsule they heard a strange tapping noise. Looking thought the glass time capsule they saw a short man knocking on the glass apparently trapped inside. It was Penguin_BOB. Iris picked up Steve and slammed him down through the glass, leaving him a little bloody, but freeing BOB who the rest of the guys pulled out of the capsule. BOB looked around at his rescuers and froze when he saw Kumba. After staring at him for a few seconds BOB launched into a relentless attack, biting, kicking and punching Kumba. Before anyone could stop him, he stopped on his own. “Oh, I am sorry. I thought you were Kumba, number three.” “Why did you just call him number three?” asked Ed looking very confused. “Because,” answered BOB with a sigh. “He is the third of 3 clones Darren made of himself. He is not the man we know as Kumba.”

Everyone was stunned. This had to be a joke. “Your not Kumba?” asked cBass. “No, I am only his third clone,” said the imposter flatly. “But now that you know… I must do something…” as The Kumba clone reached into his pocket BOB ran away at top speed while The Kumba clone pulled out what looked to be a car alarm remote control... Right before he clicked it some of the other guys seemed to realize what was going to happen and Fatha, Ed, JKay, iris and Xcoaster also ran. Seconds later there was a massive explosion that tragically claimed the lives of cBass, Posix and Steve. BOB was up ahead in the middle of the parks 60 ft steps that connected the entrance to the Earth’s Fury area. “I hate it when Darren’s clones do that. It happened with the first two, they were packed with much less C4 though...” The remaining five guys were in a state of shock. “What the hell is going on!” demanded iris. BOB sighed again and started to explain. “Darren, or Kumba as you guys know him, has gone insane since the park opened. I think winning NE spotlight went to his head or something.” BOB continued to explain. “He controls the park from under the entrance on his command base/lab/basketball court. He has been down there since a few weeks after the grand opening and to keep up appearances hired people to help him clone himself.” Looks of horror spread across the faces of the surviving NE members. “We need to stop Darren,” said BOB firmly. “He does not have many surveillance cameras in the entrance portal, except at the entrance to his lair. Follow me…”

The guys stayed close to BOB as he took them back up into the entrance area. It was nearly abandoned. “Wait, let me go check on X250. The clone left him tied to that fence.” Said Ed. When Ed got there he assumed X250 had his left arm hit by something in the blast as it dangled, bleeding profusely, and ready to fall off. Before Ed could say anything X plunged his mouth into the wound and begin to chew and Ed realized that he was gnawing his arm off. “X, stop that right now! For god sake you could chew through that rope in half the time and you are tied to the fence by your right arm, not your left!” X250 then looked up at him and in a confused tone said “I am tied to a fence?” Furious and disgusted Ed cut the rope and X250 ran away leaving his arm behind and shouted “I have killed my 582 evil arm hairs!” Shortly afterwards BOB, Ed and the guys made their way into the entrance area. BOB stepped into the marble mega-store for a minute and a few other shops as the moved towards the parks gates. As BOB entered the first aid post the guys heard him say “You guys ok?” BOB emerged with geewhzz, CP6 and Corkscrewed seemed to waddle out and showed signs that he was not over his unfortunate run-in yet. Turtle and J K were also inside, but in no shape to attempt to overthrow an evil park CEO. BOB told them what was happening and what they planned to do. CederPoint6 and geewhzz decided to leave, but Cork wanted to come along. Just as they started off towards the entrance to Darren’s lair they heard a strange clanking noise became noticeable and they heard a voice saying, “I want to go back to Canada!” It was Toon and he seemed to have somehow broken his leg shackle off its table in the Mt. Morbid area. “Could this get any stranger?” asked Fatha and just as he did bokti and catarchrsistance rode by nude on penny-farthing bikes addressing each other as “Mr. Godiva.”

BOB lead the way to the entrance to Darren’s underground lair. “Ok guys the camera is right above us, let me just unplug it…” BOB reached up, but in vain, he was just too short, but iris creped over and did it. “Come on,” said BOB and they headed into a tight hallway and down a flight of steps. BOB stopped at the foot and peered around a wall to see who was in the room and quickly pulled back, but it was to late, he was seen. A guy who looked like Dale Earnhardt Jr. came over and said, “Hi, who are you?” BOB looked scared, but JKay came to his rescue. “Hey LeBron, what are you and Bonnie doing down here?” Sure enough Darren’s sister Bonnie was there with him in what looked to be a waiting room. “We are still waiting to see my brother. We have been here for almost an hour now.” At this point no one seemed to know what to do. After a few moments silence, Ed walked to the door and with a stroke of genius only possessed by a parkmaker of his skill, he felt the doorknob on the large steel door, turned to the group and said, “It’s unlocked.” They entered slowly into a huge dark room and the outline a man only about 10 feet away from them…

It was Darren. He was speaking, apparently to himself, “I use my left hand… to hold the glass of water and use my right to drink it with my mouth… yes, I use my left hand to hold the glass of water and use my right to drink it with my mouth.” Darren then proceeded to bring the glass of water near his lips and drink, but it was clear a lot of water was running down his front and onto the floor. “I am making progress. Progress…” he said calmly. “Darren, what the hell are you doing?” asked his sister in a worried voice. Darren turned slowly and walked towards her and his eyes grew wide as he saw the members of his site and guests of his park. In the trickle of light shining into Darren’s lair, they saw that he was naked and had not shaved or cut his finger nails in a long time. “So you have found me,” he said as he turned and walked away from them back into the darkness. “Follow me,” he said. Very apprehensively the small group followed and Darren said “Stop there!” Suddenly the lights came on and a muffled scream was heard as JKay fell to the ground and a loud shattering of what sounded like glass could be heard. More glass jugs flew at the group and as the glass jugs hurtled through the air they spilled a yellow liquid that smelled like urine… because it was. As Darren tossed yet another jar of urine, BOB ran at him and they begin to wrestle with each other as the rest of the group tried to escape the room. Then Darren seemed to gain the upper hand as he had BOB locked in a full nelson and yelled “Seal the door shut!” Fatha would have been the first through the door, but he was within its frame when it slammed closed. NE’s greatest parkmaker ever was now broken and dead.

Darren now had Ed, Cork, Bonnie, LeBron, iris, Xcoaster, JKay and BOB trapped. As Darren handed BOB over to a muscular looking guy that looked a lot like Adix. Darren then walked away and put some shorts on as more vaguely recognizable body guards restrained the group. They had more familiar faces. One looked like darkfire, another like Evil WME, chaplez, Jellybones, OLE, Roomie, Raven, and Mantis. “Relax guy, I let you all live up till now, you are in no danger,” said Darren. “I just want to talk to you all.” Darren then approached the nine remaining members of the park tour who were each backed by a body guard. “Ed, always good to see my park making mentor,” Darren then moved to Cork, “Sorry about the bike to the balls, especially because you are Asian, not much penis there to soften the impact is there?” Darren chuckled as he approached JKay and LeBron, “Last time I saw you two together we were at EPCOT. LeBron you do remember what I told you about seeing my sister? You need to be rich or castrated.” Darren then handed him a scratch off lottery ticket. “Win a million dollars or we will go with plan B.” LeBron examined the ticket. “Darren according to this ticket the maximum prize is only $10, 000!” Darren considered this for a second and then said, “Well I guess there is no need to get the lotto shavings on the floor. Jelly you know what to do.” LeBron thrashed wildly, but Jelly was too strong for him and he vanished into a side room. Darren then passed his stunned sister, just patting her on the head once and saying, “Bonnie” in brief acknowledgment. Next, Darren looked at iris and said, “Thanks for selling me the site, but I still can’t believe you think your raps are better than mine. My shit sounds better, in fact… Mantis, take iris into my bathroom and stick his head into my toilet so he knows just how much better.” With that Mantis forced iris to walk to a door a few feet away and moments later a flushing sound could be heard. Darren now neared Xcoaster. “Ryan ‘Xcoaster’ Snooks, I am very glad you made it. I have something I think you will love to see…” Darren walked to his wall and took from a shelf what looked like a large snow globe and walked back to Xcoaster. “Recognize this head?” asked Darren. “That’s… Walt Disney’s head…” “Sure is,” said Darren as he put it back on its shelf and then he finally came face to face with BOB. “BOB, my old friend you have been very brave. However, you have abandoned your post as guard of the time capsule. I think I will need to go the extra mile next time and put you in the capsule itself. I mean you were scaring small children when they would look inside.” Darren laughed as Ed said “What did you do to these guys, Kumba?” referring to the muscle bound guards. “Well Ed, I am glad you asked. In order to be of more assistance to the park, I had them improved by brainwashing them, giving them lobotomies and giving them the most powerful growth hormone in the world.” BOB laughed, “Growth hormone? You made them all ingest Gorilla semen and then pumped them full of steroids!” Darren rolled his eyes, “Well if they did not suck off the Gorillas, how would I know if the brainwashing and lobotomies worked?”

At this everyone looked extremely worried. “I have been watching you all on these monitors.” said Darren as he indicated six small TV screens. The first and topmost showed Toon who could be seen dragging himself toward the parks exit. On screen two Gymkid was sitting with Austin Powers at a poker table and barely had any chips left as opposed to the big stack AP was behind. On three, Panic was in the Dino Dig’s area’s dining raft area and stealing food off one of the floating appetizer plates. RCTNW was in the Mt. Morbid area playing the bowling for bones game while Mala and Chuck Norris continued their epic battle that resembled two dueling karate wizards being hit by atomic bombs. In the Valley of Sand, Emergo and Becky were coving their eyes and running from catarchrsistance and bokti who had just pasted the women’s shop. Finally in the Earth’s Fury area it seemed X250 had replaced his arm with a floppy rubber penis like in the movie Borat and was drinking from the model of Lake Noyos.

What was supposed to be an enjoyable day at a themepark had gone from a fun filled adventure to concern, from concern to apprehension and from that to pure fear. “Kumba, why are you doing all this, why are you killing people in your own park,” asked JKay disparately. Cork interjected “If I get out of here alive I am going to sue you!” Darren considered them and then answered, “Well, first of all JKay, I have been very bored up here. Watching a bunch of people enjoying rides is not much fun for very long, so I have added an element of excitement and risk. You are all living proof that you can have an amazing adventure in the park and your fallen friends are merely examples of those who are not fit to survive. Also, Cork you can’t sue me. The sign at the entrance clearly states that the park is not responsible for any injuries, mishaps or deaths.” Darren now walked up to his sister. “Bonnie you can go. Dad is still at the casino and LeBron will meet you there when… no, if he recovers. Right now I have some new staff members to break in.” Chapelz lead Bonnie to a nearby elevator where she was to be taken back up to the park level. Darren now focused on the rest of the guys who were struggling in vain to free themselves from their captors. “It won’t be so bad. We even have a good dental plan. Ed quit thrashing; there is nothing that can stop me…” As he said it the elevator door opened and before Bonnie could get in, something on three wheels shot out at Darren and hit him. It was his mother and she was looking furious atop her electric scooter. “DARREN ROGER COLLETTE!” she bellowed while Darren looked horror stricken. “What were you thinking? You are coming home right now! No computer or TV, only food, and I am going to make you study your grammar until you pass that test!” She had Darren by the ear and he looked defeated. “Okay Mom,” he groaned, “let them go, it’s over now.” Darren instructed his body guards. Darren, his Mother and Bonnie all entered the elevator, which closed and took them up. The guards did as they were told and released their prisoners. Iris came out of the bathroom with his head soaking wet and followed Ed, JKay, Cork and BOB. Xcoaster lagged near the back and when he thought no one was looking, grabbed Walt Disney’s head and casually stuck it under his shirt and jogged off to join his friends. None of them would ever forget their trip to Dimensions: Realms of Creation!