General Chat / Self Improvement

2016 has been a tough year so far. Between shitty relationships, shitty jobs, a shitty semester, combined with back-to-back deaths in the family, it's been tough. I have always told myself to keep going and that my dreams and goals in life will naturally find themselves out, but lately i've just been worrying myself to death and forcing things to happen when they're either not ready to happen yet or not meant to be.

I've finally come to the realization that it's best to live for myself for a bit and improve my character both physically and mentally. 

I'm sure everyone goes through this, or something similar, and I really don't know what I'm trying to say here but I like this community a lot and want to speak my mind. I've been forcing my way into two back-to-back relationships and they've both ended pretty horridly, one where I lost a great friend and I'm quite upset over it. While in the end she was pretty harsh and I cut off all contact, I'm hoping to get back to her simply to make solace and ease my conscious a bit.

Does anyone have pointers on getting your mind off things like this? I overthink the shit out of stuff and those of you who I've informed know just about every detail there is to know. I've recently picked up exercise and bodybuilding a bit and after just a few weeks it's cool to see progress. I've always been a pretty skinny guy so it's cool (and strange) to see myself with muscle. Along with that I've been focusing on my art projects and hope to have a job in the comics field within a year, but if it takes longer that's fine. I feel like art is the only constant in my life at this point so maybe that's meant to be a sign that it should be my focus for now, even if I struggle to find the motivation to commit to it.

Again, not really sure where I'm heading with this, but it's late and I just wanted to type out some thoughts. I guess what I'm wanting to say is that I'm focusing on myself and myself only for a bit and that's something I've never really done before. I've always wanted to "say the right things" or "do the right things" to please people even if I don't necessarily act like that or speak like that or whatever. Has anyone gone or is going through something like this? I believe at some point we all do so it'd be cool to hear different viewpoints.  

kyle just shitpost your issues away like i do. i failed college due to crippling anxiety and barely remember it because of how many layers of irony i'm in 
 

(serious reply to come)

As far getting your mind off things, you seem to be doing the right thing, or at least what has helped me.  I battled depression most of last year along with trying to stay in a shitty relationship, which may or may not have been the cause of my depression (or at least was the added stress that triggered the downward spiral).  It also complicates things more that we're both on the swim team here at school so I still see her pretty much every day.  I tried for a while to go out of my way to be stay friends but I realized I was forcing the issue a bit to much.  Now we don't really talk much if at all and that's fine by me, she does her thing, I do mine.  On top of that, the past year I have been just focusing on myself, doing what I love and not worrying about anybody else with the exception of family.  It really has been great as I have set no expectations for finding a relationship and when I do go out and about I'm not worrying about trying to find 'the one' just meeting new people, making friends and having fun.  

I think physical activity of some kind is also a huge help and it's awesome to hear you've taken up body building.  Personally swimming has helped me a lot as when I'm swimming that's what I'm focused on, not any of the other stuff going on in my life at the time.  It's a great way to clear you mind while also staying healthy or in your case getting those gains  

And if you're ever just at home and still can't get your mind off of things, try meditation.  I know it sounds cliche but it seriously works.  You don't need to do the weird OOOMMM thing and sit cross legged, just close your eyes and focus on nothing but your breath and relax your body.  If you, or anyone else, want me to go into more detail about this PM me.

Sounds like you've got your head on straight tho man and are taking the right steps.  Keep at it and we're always here to vent to.

Why ride emotional roller coasters when you could ride real ones

Hey I've been on the same train for a while. All I can say is that while sometimes everything seems impossible and it's just really hard to get the ball rolling, it does get better. Nowadays, just looking at all the progress I've made can make the future seem easier, even just slightly.

I've been on this sort of train for the past several months, and I'm here to tell you it's entirely worth it.  I finished undergrad early, which gave me this time between that and starting medical school to just focus on myself.  I took a job that I though I'd enjoy (teaching the MCAT, DAT, GRE, LSAT) rather than for the money (I earn very little), but it's been phenomenal having some extra time and only doing what I like.  It's not too taxing time-wise so I had most days to do whatever.

Long story short, I quickly realized, despite what I thought, I couldn't stand to just lounge and relax after doing so the first week.  I've always had the stress of something weighing over me, and I guess I just needed that out of my system for a bit.  It's nice, but not fulfilling whatsoever to just do nothing for so long.

A few things I've realized since (I started with doing nothing, so I essentially built this all up recently):

1. Exercise - productive in an of itself, and you can use that time to do something simultaneously.

2. Healthy eating - this doesn't take a rocket scientist, and you'll feel 100% better.

3. Sleep - took an afternoon to read Sleep Thieves and it's totally helped me get more rejuvenated.

4. Organize/Cleaning - understated as hell - nobody, absolutely nobody, can be productive in a disorganized environment, that goes from your flat/living space all the way down to your email folders.

5. Reading - I've always been an avid reader, but now I focus it at night to wind down rather than as a means of lounging during the day.

6. Pour energy into what you like AND is productive - (hopefully) that includes your job, and any hobbies.  For example right now I funnel energy into teaching, coaching, writing, and studying before school starts.  It has to be both otherwise you might like heroin, but it's not very productive, for example.

7. Podcasts - valuable to add to time that is normally unproductive - like driving or exercise.  There's also some great self-improvement ones that cater to guys specifically.

Maybe I'll come up with a few more areas for self improvement to make this list an even 10.  But in general, it's all about starting momentum until it becomes a habit.  I'm hoping that soon I'll be coming off my medication for depression for the first time in close to a decade.  I'm by no means an expert on this shit, but it's the stuff I'm working on and have thus found to be effective/productive.

Coincidentally, I've been doing every one of those steps and it's helped a lot. Exercise is definitely my big new thing, joined a gym recently and have been hitting it quite frequently. Typically I wouldn't care to go to an actual gym, but getting out of the house motivates me more, and the fact that I'm paying a (small) monthly fee gives me more reason to go. On off days I feel like I'm just wasting the opportunity, and seeing results after just a few weeks is encouraging.

Been learning to cook more and eat real food, which is both healthier and cheaper, and can be impressive when most people around you have no idea how to make anything that doesn't require a microwave. I've only ever been able to make small stuff so with every meal I try something new in some way, whether it be a more complex recipe or whatever. I guess this goes along with the exercise thing as I watch my protein intake (always been a skinny guy so I'm trying to bulk up a bit), plus avoiding grease, too much sugar, and other toxins.

Sleep comes a lot better now that school and intense deadlines are over for the most part. And organization is coming along as well (as I stare at my cluttered desk- I started sorting through everything and got sidetracked). 

Reading though. I'm now determined to get myself a job within the comics industry and have been going through books like mad. Not just comics, but art books, reference guides, everything. I've got stacks all around me and have been making it a point to get to work on them. Coincidentally I just got invited to New York Comic Con this fall and am using that as my first real attempt at landing a job. Needing a serious portfolio (I have a ton of work, but nothing very specific to penciller jobs within the industry which is what I want) and have 4 months to get it underway. In the meantime I've applied for a better position within my current job, just to get more hours and income (recently bought a new car and needing it), but aside from that a ton of my energy will be dedicated towards this. I can't stay in a box store forever, and throughout everything the one constant has been my desire to draw Batman and be paid for it.

And with podcasts, well I was just interviewed on one last night. Was fun.

I feel myself coming out of this slump and it's pretty cool to see myself being a better person because of it. It's something we all experience and deal with differently, and improvement kicks should never be only a few months worth of time but an ongoing process. Thanks for your input guys, I'll update this as time goes on.