General Chat / TMF: Top 50 Worst Music Videos Ever

This evening I had the (dubious?) pleasure of watching most of TMF's Top 50 Worst Music Videos Ever. Wow. I didn't know videos like that existed. True, some of them were pretty innoffensive (sure, shaddupa your face is a terrible song, but the video's just the poor guy singing), while others were absolutely horrific. First, I thought that #44 was the worst - Color Me Badd with I Wanna Sex You Up. Bad computer graphics, horrible facial hair and dodgy angles...oh, and mullets. Eugh. That held strong up until The Weather Girls' Raining Men came on. Oh my god. If you thought the effects were horrendous, the middle-aged men jumping around in thongs were worse. If it wasn't for the song I might have thrown up, but hey, it's a classy song. The was around about #25 (which shows just how bad #44 was to be the worst for that long...Peter Andre's Flava was actually quite good in comparison, I kid you not). So there are The Weather Girls, by far the worst so far...until Rik Waller turns up. There is no space for a (literally) oval-shaped person on TV. Especially not when that oval only just fits on the screen. And that's just his fat fucking face. Sure, he can sing, but I think they would have been much more successful putting his voice over some cheesy animation a la Scissor Sisters' Mary. So yes, that was the worst. We were getting into the mid-teens now, but nothing had been truly terrible. Until, that is, Physical by Olivia Newton John. For the love of god and all that is holy (my anus is bleeding). Seriously, a video full of permatanned, steroid-pumped fuckheads giving way to pale, sweaty, obese, burger-filled fuckheads is NOT necessary. Terrible. OK So ONJ is winning so far. That was just the start, at #13. Vanilla then took on the challenge, with that stupid fucking song that BN then used for their equally stupid fucking adverts. No way no way. Too right no way, you ugly chav. Sparkly size 20 boob tubes are NOT what I want to get 'fresh' with. The funny thing is I remember seeing them on top of the pops, back when it had some level of standards. What they were thinking that week i'll never know. Then, making Vanilla look passable, came Black Lace with Do The Conga. Dancing Milk Bottles. What more can I say. And, the bad thing is, IT GETS WORSE. Gazza singing 'Fog on the Tyne is all mine' - what the fuck? Some middle-aged wanker (can't remember his name) looking like a paedophile at a shitty 80s teen party singing 'I love a party with a happy atmosphere'...uh, no. OK so we were a long way into the top 10 now, and me and my sister were burying our heads into cushions, fighting back the puke. And then comes the killer one-two punch. Well, two-one. Dancing terribly in at #2 was Take That with Do What U Want (see that 'U'? ahead of the times, they were...unfortunately for the literate population, good predictors of cultural trends). Take That wearing leather and leggings, dancing around smothering each other in jelly and taking part in a bit of homoerotic bonding. I nearly vomited. Why was it a mix between Mark Owen gurning, bad early 90s fashion and kids' party food? We'll never know. My bet is that fucker of X-Factor had something to do with it (if they win and do Creep I will probably destroy my radio to remove any possibility of accidentally hearing it). I didn't think the Take That could be topped (and to be honest, Olivia Newton John was still pretty near the top, and i've been mentally scarred for life by the sight of Vanilla in 'swim wear'), but I think TMF came up trumps with...Cliff Richard's Wired For Sound. Now, this isn't too bad a tune, and the video wasn't nausea inducing or offensive. It was just...oh god it was so terrible. Probably shot on a cheap second-hand video camcorder, there's Cliff wearing impossibly bad sunglasses (specsavers, dude, specsavers)...and he's on rollerskates! And he's listening to a walkman! And...OH MY GOD HE'S SURROUNDED BY LYCRA CLAD TWATS ON SKATES! They're skating along the pavement...around a fountain...behind some bushes...BEHIND SOME MORE BUSHES. Yes, half of the video was obscured by bushes. Fuck knows why, but it's hilarious. Then he's skating towards the camera in a subway (the angle makes it look like he is curiously straddling a spotlight in the background), and at the last moment he veers off. Then he does it again. Then some lycratwats join in. Then there's more fucking bushes! And that's it! Genuinely the worst videos i've ever seen, the only one missing was that trance abomination with the people dancing on some deserted pier with blokes leering at them...and then going to buy a burger at the local chipshop. Great one that. Oh, and Xfuckingtina Aguieilieaeriea looking her most chavvish with lil' kim (synonymous with whore) doing that 'cant hold us down' shitstorm of a song.

Anyway, a truly enjoyable evening.

Ive think the longest post ever.

PLEASE edit your post with paragraphs..... kind of hard to read and it all blends together.....

I love reading peoples rambling, it realy lets you into their thoughts... however tormented and scarred they are...

PLEASE edit your post with paragraphs..... kind of hard to read and it all blends together.....

Completely in agreeance.

I believe VH1 did something like this once, and it absolutely sucked. I mean, their choices for the worst videos sucked, and so did the "comedians" who tried to make it funny, who rather succeeded in being absolutely annoying, obnoxious fools.

Oh no the good thing about this one was that there weren't any 'in between' so-called-funny bits with Edwin Collins or whoever. This is TMF - just music videos, with ad-breaks (unfortunately). And the choices were pretty much pitch-perfect, I think, because the top 10 were the most dire of the lot. Although I think that Color Me Badd one was worthy of at least a top 20 placing. I kind of want to see a Top 50 Best Videos thing now, although I know i'd probably disagree with it, just like I disagreed with Q's top 20 list...including Hardest Button To Button instead of Fell In Love With A Girl is pretty stupid if you ask me. Michel Gondry is a genius either way, though. Kylie's Come Into My World, Coldplay's The Scientist, Fatboy Slim's Praise You/Right Here Right Now/Weapon Of Choice, Madonna's Die Another Day, Daft Punk's Interstella (HBFS if I had to choose one track), Aphex Twin's Come To Daddy and Stereogram's Walkie Talkie Man are all some of my favourites. I hate the wave of shitty trance videos that are out at the moment. Some of the tracks aren't actually that bad (Michael Gray's is actually quite good) but the videos are just so...lame. There isn't any merit at all to cheerleaders, creepy nurses injecting things, horrible aerobics suits or the video I mentioned in the first post. At least make it ironic or something - Funkstar Deluxe actually made theirs somewhat funny. In fact the whole state of the charts is a bit lamentable - especially seeing as loads of brilliant music has come out this year...yet that terrible Band Aid cover is number one (i'm not disputing the fact that it's for a good cause, but come on...if the original Band Aid single could make that much money while being original, why can't people come up with something new? And having Dizzee Rascal rapping in the middle? WHY?). I'm not actually expecting people to read this, hence the lack of paragraphing. I mean, no-one wants to know anyway. TOTP started going down the drain the minute they ditched the Led title music and introduced lifeless ex-grange hill stars (and that bitch Fern Cotton), CD:UK is boring, The Chart Show isn't on any more (that was the best music show) and Popworld (the only really good all-round music show) is on at some godforsaken time. Simon Amstell is a genius, though.

The most videos from german performer are worse...
Here are few examptions, but now i cannot specify one...

Jay_ho

Oh, and Xfuckingtina Aguieilieaeriea looking her most chavvish with lil' kim (synonymous with whore) doing that 'cant hold us down' shitstorm of a song.

Can't anyone leave Xtina alone?
Whatever she does, people slag her off... All because of Dirrty (which would obviously be the best video ever ).

I saw the other worst videos thing on VH1 a while ago (well, some of it). I can only take so much dodgy special effects and ugly people before I have to change over and find some Can't Hold Us Down to massage my aching eyes with purple Lady C trucker hats, and high socks.

Dirrrty was a great song with a pretty good video (this coming from me, too) but Xtina always falls into my "OH MY GOD GET OFF MY TV" category. Beautiful was patronising, Can't Hold Us Down i've already talked about and the Car Wash cover is terrible too (I don't know WHAT Missy Elliot was thinking with that one).

I choose Britney any day.

Dirrrty was a great song with a pretty good video (this coming from me, too) but Xtina always falls into my "OH MY GOD GET OFF MY TV" category.  Beautiful was patronising, Can't Hold Us Down i've already talked about and the Car Wash cover is terrible too (I don't know WHAT Missy Elliot was thinking with that one).

I choose Britney any day.

OK, so I agree with Car Wash (and Tilt Ya Head Back) - they're both pretty shit. Although Car Wash is a great driving song.. (as is Lose My Breath by DC), but I love everything from Stripped:

Dirrty - Brilliant song, still gotta love it when you're out in a club, and everyone gets dirrty to it
Beautiful - My least favourite song from the whole album, but it's still pretty good
Fighter - shite video (well good, but didn't really work out for her - never got played), and an alright song.
CHUD - Come on, it's great! I love the retro dance off video.
TVW - I like the bit where it goes all dramatic lol

I think she's great just because of her whole attitude.. Dirrty was amazing, and everything since then's been great too (although I don't know what the fuck this whole Marily Monroe look's all about!?). Stripped's amazing, even 2 years on (Walk Away, Infactuation, Impossible..).


Britney.. Well, I love them both, but X edges it I must say.
I do **LOVE** Slave 4 U (not quite as much as Dirrty though), and the last 2 albums especially were great. Some of the old songs (Crazy, BOMT) were good too, but I prefer In The Zone (I got that boom boom, the answer, showdown..) & Britney..
The thing I feel X has over Britney is the ballads.. Britneys are always shite. They're either really tacky (although still fun) - Lucky - or just uninteresting - Everytime - whereas X has some dramatic climax to her ballads. The only one I really like is Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know.



Anyways, it's about time I finished (I could go on all day...). Yet again, on a day I'm supposed to be revising (for a big raging exam at 9.30am tomorrow), I've found something else to distract myself just so I don't have to do work

TVW was just so terrible! I'll concede that she can sing (very well), but that song was...argh! And the video was actually terrible - she had three moves. The 'flick hair in face', the 'scrape hair out of face' and the 'wave arm madly'. And the random light at the end? Pointless.

Toxic was the best pop song of this year (along with Lose My Breath) IMO, with one of the best videos to boot, whereas Xtina has failed to reinvent herself significantly and seems to have just started a downward spiral. If she pulls another Dirrrty then maybe i'd reconsider, but at the moment Britney is far ahead (Everytime wasn't actually that bad, except for the dodgy video).

I can't believe i'm actually having a discussion about this Anyway, I was thinking about what my favourite albums of the year were and I came up with 5:

Bjork - Medulla
The Arcade Fire - Funeral
Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand
Dungen - Ta Det Lugnt
Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters

Brilliant stuff.

My favourite albums of the year...

Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand
The Libertines - The Libertines
Mattias Alkberg BD - Tunaskolan
[ingenting] - Ingenting Duger

My favourite albums of the year...

The album leaf, "In a safe place"
Jóhann Jóhannsson, "Virðulegu forsetar"
Max Richter, "The blue notebooks"
Múm, "Summer make good"

...I just realized all of them were recorded in Iceland, except Max Richter's... interesting...

Edited by cg?, 14 December 2004 - 04:15 PM.

Christina has a much more powerful and simply better voice than Britney. My only complaint with Christina is that she loves her non verbal screaming that never makes an musical sense, usually not in the right key, and never tastefully done in the style of the song. Mariah Carey does the same shit, only she does that annoying squeling thing. To me, that basically ruins any and all of Christina's songs.

Any one heard Britney's pathetic attempt at a Christmas song yet? They play it like every 20 minutes at work, and I have to laugh everytime.

^
"Santa can you hear me? I have been so good this year."

That's good shit.

Yeah and if only Xtina would couple that voice with more consistently good songs and some form of dress-sense then maybe i'd credit her more. She just makes all the wrong choices. She needs a Toxic, that's what she needs. Or a 'Boys'. I loved that song.

I really don't get how you can prefer Everytime to TVW.. Everytime has no change throughout the song, and nice, but not very meaningful. TVW has the great climax, and meaningful (although you may say somewhat clichéd) lyrics. And the videos - I like Everytimes, the idea of reincarnation and the smashing of glasses! although TVW does have the 3 moves, which I also love).
Boys was a great song.. although one of her least popular, for some reason.. It's definately one of my favourites.

X does have shit dress sense at times, but at least she's experimenting. And I'd say X does more reinvention than Britney.. Britney's just became progressively dirrtier.. She's been blonde pretty much the whole way through, and has just got sluttier. Although she does do the great odd publicity stunt.
Xtina did the whole shocking "in-a-oner" change from nice X to slutty X, and since then we've had the hip hop style, black hair (CHUD, Fighter, TVW), "Ellen" (sophisticated, golden brown - only had it a week or 2 - same as the Dsquared fashion show), and now the "Marilyn".

Britney's had some better songs, but they are more throwaway than Christina's I think. Stripped was absolutely amazing,and I hope the next album isn't just going to be a load of 20s/30s crap like she's been talking about with the "Marilyn."

And the screeching can be quite ridiculous, but she doesn't do it that much any more.. only in live performances of "At Last" (which are amazing), and stuff like that. I actually hate how she says "ha" after every 2nd line while she's performing... and some of her speeches which are clearly rehearsed.. Still...

They aren't real, that's for sure.