General Chat / NBC Lawsuit

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

These types of jokes have been going around my school (i find them pretty funny): random facts about Chuck Norris.

I like this one too: Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Edited by penguinBOB, 17 December 2005 - 05:59 PM.

I'm not 100 percent sure who this guy is, but I find some of these ridiculously funny -

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

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Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

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Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

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Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.


I'm pissing myself laughing, here...

^I think Chuck Norris is the guy in that stupid show called Texas Ranger. I remember seeing one where he punches a woman in the face after jumping in her car.

Anyone ever see that movie Sidekicks? A serious contender for the title of Worst Movie in the History of Film...or maybe Best Movie in the History of Film because in terms of unintentional comedy, it's pretty much off the charts.

The hunting thing is hilarious, Turtle.

if you don't know chuck norris, try the random facts about vin diesel or mr. t...

i'm pretty sure vin diesel is gay.
and that one about the rhyming was the best, by far. i nearly pissed myself.

Yeah, well I heard that Chuck Norris took up smoking 10 cartons of cigarrettes a day for two years, when 27 different kinds of cancer developed in his body. He flexed his huge muscles and he rid his body of them.

Yeah, well I heard that Chuck Norris took up smoking 10 cartons of cigarrettes a day for two years, when 27 different kinds of cancer developed in his body. He flexed his huge muscles and he rid his body of them.

YOU KILLED IT ASSHOLE

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris appeared in the movie Pearl Harbor in a cameo role as a palm tree. A butt-kicking, fire-breathing palm tree. Most of his scenes were cut, due to time and credibility restraints, since nobody could believe that Chuck could be within 500 yards of Ben Affleck without doing him serious bodily harm.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal.

AHAHAHAHAHA!!! Chuck Norris jokes. Hilarious.

Basically, it plays off of Chuck's almost Steven Segal like characteristics in the shows and movies he was in. I.E. he never got hurt, always kicked ass. He's a man's man.


Oh, and since we're talking about him, I gotta post the inevitable "funniest thing ever" clip that's sure to show up sooner or later.

http://www.collegehu...movies/1638127/

chuck norris believes that what goes around comes a roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the buddha on a wednesday evening and all the christians started celebrating Mardi Gras.

chuck norris has the best hair, ever.

lol, that wasnt funny at all but i laughed pretty hard.

chuck norris doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell them there was a stripper in it.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

ROFLMFAO

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

Edited by Panic, 30 January 2006 - 10:15 PM.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

hahaha, chuck's real name is carlos ray norris, jr. maybe that's why he kicks everyone's ass.