(Archive) Advertising District / Haywood Jablome presents....

CNN.COM Presents

"With all the hype surrounding new parks, and with Disney constructing multiple parks along various corners of the world, it would seem that Universal will be left behind. Walt Disney Escape, Disney’s Hawaiian Resort, and many other rumored projects have been spread all over coaster forums and news outlets like New Element. What people don’t seem to realize is that Universal is still a competitor, and with the announcement of a new park dubbed “Universal’s Ports of Call” being released, Disney can already be seen sweating in their boots. The fact that one single park can be rumored to shatter every predecessor before it, Universal, Disney, or Six Flags has other big name companies thinking (Namely Disney). Could it be true, can Universal claim the top spot on the list of worldwide theme parks, and destroy Disney’s “take-over” plan with one ground-breaking park? Well, let us look at some aspects and facts concerning Ports of Call.

We must first look at a Business aspect and hoopla of this park. With IOA and USF competing with the Disney resort in Orlando, Florida is a virtual haven for thrill seekers, and Universal has no problem keeping business thriving their. It’s the other parts of the world (In Ports of Call’s case, Texas) that people overlook. 30 Miles South of New Braunsfel, near San Antonio, this park has a HUGE access to the public. Three major cities (Including the 4th largest in the country) are in hours’ reach, and attendance for this park could soar. Adding to the fact that the rides proposed in this park are so insane, and so groundbreaking, many people consider this a publicity stunt by Universal, and namely architect and planner Stefon Deajon (Otherwise known as Fatha’). Disney is still in disbelief, with statements such as, “How can Universal propose rides that float in midair, race on trees, skate in skate parks, and fly down a snow mountain? Its really absurd, and I don’t see it happening.” The fact of the matter is, the rumors proposed by Universal are true, and every ride is authentic. Various people have been shown these rides, and most deem some as “Impossible” and “Amazing.” What rides are we talking? Look at these updates, and decide for yourself:


Venom
Feel the bite of this Viper as you traverse its mountainous habitat hanging from its belly. The fabled Hawaiian snake is said to fly, and it is very large. Can you survive the journey through twisting inversions, gut wrenching drops and turns, and a first drop right down a ravine? We will see. Universal Ports of Call introduces the newest B&M inverted scream machine! It will prove all notions that Beemers arent intense wrong, as this layout resembles that of Nemesis at Alton Towers. Get ready to feel the bite, feet first.


Merlinville Tower of Terror
Disney decided not to give the rights of their Tower of Terror at MGM to us, so we had to bargain a little bit. We were allowed to use the building design, but not the same system, so guess what, we invented one on our own! This tower stands 200 feet tall and towers above the Merlinville area. Two shafts provide one of the scariest rides on the planet, with multiple drops and one hell raising adventure. Hold on to you stomachs ladies and gents.

Tsunami Bay
Ready for the first interactive experience (Wave riding) since Nevis's Wave Rider stand-up coaster? Here it is, except this time, you actually ride the waves on a board (Stand-up coaster car). First of its kind, and it joins the firsts in Ports of Call.

Dragon River
The second watercoaster in Fatha's line of parks. Not a one of a kind, but this water coaster will have a better appeal (look) then Tropico Coves "Journey to Mythos." Another great ride in the arsenal of attractions at Ports of Call.

Sir Extreme's Skating Thing
The second skate coaster in a Fatha' installment. This one is themed to a wacky skatepark in Whooville (They seem to love Xtreme sports). This will have pretty much the same features (Along with a couple of new ones) and will be the same caliber and better than Maui Xtreme's skate coaster.

Sylvester's R"AAH!"ckets
These things are fast! This is the rumored project speed, and this is Whooville's take on street racing, however, there is always a twist! This race ride weaves in and out of Whooville, and in one amazing sequence, it rides on wacky rails over the center of Whooville, dazzling spectators below. One word: AHH!

Whoovile
Enter the whimsical world of Doctor Suess in this new age themed area. Not that this area is in no way a copy of IOA's Suess Landing. This area is themed to the immensely popular "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" storyline. Enter Whoovile, with the giant Christmas tree in the center of the town. Once you are in this fantasy land, you won't be able to leave! There is one twist, two twist, three twists, four twists to this new area. The "Whoovilians" seem to like Xtreme sports, so guess what? Yup, an arsenal of Xtreme sports rides will be added to this incredible area. Look for announcements soon.

Magik Carpet Rides
This is the most technologically advanced thrill machine on the planet. Yet another one-of-a-kind and first-of-its-kind ride, this will take rollercoasters into the future. Sit down on the carpets, and blast of in complete floatation in this magneticly powered thrill ride. Coaster Cars (Carpets) literally FLY over the landscape, with no coaster track whatsoever. Perform amazing manuevers, including a zero-g roll over a pathway, soaring over parts of the lake, and flying in complete tandem all over the place. This ride features two inversions, and has a top speed of 55 mph. Are you ready to experience the first TRUE flying roller coaster on the planet? Coming to Universal's Ports of Call in 2003.


- Grand Theft Christmas -
- Sylvester's R"AAH!"ckets -
- Sir Extreme's Skating Thing -
- Dragon River -
- Halexer -
- FireFlight -
- Escape from Asgard -
- Storm Riders -
- Tsunami Bay -
- Magik Carpet Rides -
- Ahab's SCAREavans -
- Merlin's Tower of Terror-
- Venom -

- Unknown -

- Unknown -

- Unknown -

- Unknown -

Now, these rides may look impossible, but they have been constructed, and some are testing daily to lucky guests of Universal’s choice. One of these is the highly advertised “Magik Carpet Rides.” This ride, by itself, is said to revolutionize RCT, and most importantly, what we think of as impossible or improbable. Ever watch Aladdin, and dream you could fly around with Jasmine and Abu? Well, the fact of the matter is, you can do this (Minus the fine gal and the stupid monkey). Defying gravity has been only a dream to those who are not astronauts, but the dream is now reality, and human flight is no longer science fiction. Using magnets and proper placement of such, this ride performs barrel roles, wild turns, water flights, and various near-miss encounters with trees, and even guests at points in the ride. Bullshit? No, reality. Other rides of interest include the Universal version of Disney’s Tower of Terror. Now, why Disney would ALLOW them to build one is beyond me, but my sources have told me Disney laughed when Universal proposed the park, so they just went ahead and allowed them building rights to it. What should embarrass Disney is the fact that Merlinville’s Tower of Terror is better looking, taller, and according to some, a better ride. Mickey Mouse sure isn’t smiling now.

Moving from the themed attractions and sim rides, let us review the coaster line-up, which is stunning (Destroying IOA’s lineup). First off, the mighty Halexer, a beast from the English mining towns, rises above an undisclosed area. Standing at 155 feet, tearing track apart at blazing speeds of 65 mph, and nearly hitting limestone cliffs, this ride is said to be the “apparition” of a Bolliger and Mallibard floorless rollercoaster. High forces abound, and every inversion is extremely intense (Much like its sister Beemer The Incredible Hulk [Yes, this one is the man of the two]). Moving on, we look at a much lesser known coaster (Due to its very recent announcement) called Venom. The coaster said to top Nemesis seems to be a hit, and after a recent ride (I got connections son), I still can’t find my stomach. The most exhilarating inverted roller coaster I have ever ridden lies in a beautiful gorge, with multiple waterfalls and village cots. Twist and turn on the mythical snake creature, and fly right over water, and soar through trenches. The best invert on the planet in my mind (Yes, I have ridden Nemesis). Next up is the very controversial FireFlight. Controversial why? Well, it had an accident where a train de-railed after the first drop. Universal quickly fixed the problem, and the ride is now back and running. It is also controversial because it has undergone many redesigns (Whereas the other two rides were designed once, and once only). A vertical loop was set to be built, but forces in it snapped a dummies neck. Complications in speed later caused the ride to stall (Due to changes because of the loop). Finally, a design was chosen, and the ride was built. It seemingly is the worst coaster out of the bunch, but the fact is this wooden monster (What? A woodie from Universal! I did say it was wooden right?) is highly underrated, and it’s location is a very unique one. It is one of the highest points in the park, and it has a very interesting first drop (With the absolute best airtime I have ever received on a coaster). A turning drop (Much like the Wildcat’s drop at Hershey Park) is first, then a surprising 90-foot plunge follows. The airtime reaches negative numbers, and can provide the feeling only an S&S Turbo Drop can. It is also very rough (As woodies should be), and is a definite top 20 woodies contender.

Well, if Disney is not a believer yet, then they will soon be. Universal will take the crown as “best amusement park company” with the opening of Universal’s Ports of Call in August. Picture the theming of IOA, rides (MULTIPLE RIDES) on the same level as Spiderman, and coasters that would make Cedar Point beg for mercy. Okay, you would expect me to say “You’re on Candid Camera” or “This interview is really a publicity stunt,” or maybe you think I’m from the show “Punk’d” sending this to Disney to play a prank on them. The fact is, this is no joke, and Disney is the only one getting punk’d in this situation. The park dubbed “The RCT Experience” will be set to open, will open, and will make Magic Kingdom and Epcot look like Six Flags.

Haywood Jablome reporting for CNN.com

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Well, some unfortunate news on one of the rides at Ports of Call has became visibile to myself. Tsunami Bay had difficulties with the Beast, and now the waves are completely fucked. I redid them, and the same thing eventually happened. Because of this, the ride is cancelled, and taken off the ride list for Ports of Call. Replacing this ride is the high octane....

Xplosive
Take a high octane ride on the fourth coaster ride (Well, its not a conventional coaster) at Universal's Ports of Call. Using technology developed by Nevis a while back, this ride will launch riders (From a vertical standstill) right up into the air out of an active volcano! You will also go through twists and turns to try and avoid lava flows and return safely to the station. Can you survive the hottest ride on the planet? Coming in 2003.


I've also decided to be generous and announce the first dueling/racing ride of its kind (The original was developed b Nevis as well). However, this new ride has upgrades....

Gale Ridge Rapids
Blast through lava tunnels, and race from the top of Gale Ridge all the way to the bottom. The second interactive rapids experience ever (preceded by the amazing rapids ride at UIX) will appear here, except this time there are two tracks that duel and race with each other. experience multiple crossovers and near collisions with the other riders, and traverse treacherous rapids in a fight to the finish. On your march, get set, GO! Coming in 2003.


Rides
- Grand Theft Christmas -
- Sylvester's R"AAH!"ckets -
- Sir Extreme's Skating Thing -
- Dragon River -
- Halexer -
- FireFlight -
- Escape from Asgard -
- Storm Riders -
- Xplosive -
- Magik Carpet Rides -
- Ahab's SCAREavans -
- Merlin's Tower of Terror-
- Venom -
- Gale Ridge Rapids -

- Unknown -

- Unknown -

- Unknown -

The final update will be in July when I get back from Spain.

How much longer until this damn contest thing's done.

Its been extended till August, so Ports of Call should be done by then. Dont worry, patience is a virtue.

August eh... not too far off.

::see's the virtue thing::

::spasms::

Enough with the whole gay star wars virtue thing peeps!

A dueling raft ride, now why didn't I ever think of that. The park is sounding better and better. Hopefully you'll get some worthy competition

Ed, I know your cooking something interesting up...

Sweet news! This park is shaping up to be incredible!

Just don't go sneaking around WDE construction grounds while you're in Spain.

The rides are just getting better, and better. A dueling rafts ride, who would of thought. It all sounds amazing.

Patience sucks,
Hevydevy

OK, the descriptions of this park are getting me excited. I'm almost glad there are not pics as I'm curious to see the whole thing fresh upon release.

Disney isnt sweating in its boots, we are laughing that you think you can compare. We all know that when everything is said and done Walt Disney's Hawaiian Resort will mop the floors with this sad excuse for a park

Descriptions sound great, what would be even better is if we could see some of it. August seems so far away, dont do this to us.

*weeps at the injustice of it all*

As if Horizons wasn't enough to put the rest of us to shame