General Chat / Jokes

A blond walked into a bar and said, "Ouch."

Did ya hear about the captain with the wheel attached to his groin? Yeah. It was driving him nuts.

Did ya hear about the 10-lb baby with 5-lb testicles? He was half nuts!

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?"
"No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and syas "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?"

"I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!" "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me that he thinks you're really cute!"

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, who can play the piano?

Clever Dick.

What is pink and blue and sits at the bottom of the pool?

A baby with popped armbands.

How do you kill 1000 flies?

Slap an Ethiopian

What is pink and cant turn in corridors?

A baby with a javelin through its head.

You're morbid.