Screenshot / SBSBHS - De Bossen In and Cathedral
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23-July 23
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I think both sides of this discussion raise good points, but let's refrain from personal attacks and maybe try to steer back towards the RCT at hand.
This is the issue, I don't think 'many others' think RCT is more stressful than their job, and I think we should keep it like that. Normalising asking for money in return for screens and parks on this website is a step in the completely wrong direction. Of course you should be allowed to make a patreon but I think you should promote it somewhere else than on this website. The honest truth is that you won't have an audience elsewhere though.
Good luck!
you know this, so it’s like you want me to fail. the only use i have as a member of this community is to be as little of one as possible, and just use this to brand-build.
Also you talk like NE's rules are a big book with hundreds of pages. I'm used to german communities so maybe that's not comparable but i do not know a single community with less rules than NE. Actually i think one can conclude NE's rules to "Be nice, have fun." I do not feel like following these is such a difficulty. If it really is for you, then i must say i feel very sorry for you.
I've considered having my own RCT blog but I'm not as talented as Xeccah so I never even thought of monetizing my work.
This screen is nice...
This is one of the most hilarious and sad ways I've ever seen someone try to play the victim card.
I mean, that's not it. Don't put that shit on NE. You have myriad of options: r/rct, making your own subreddit, making your own discord, making a website/blog. All these options allow you to share your work. There are just two problems:
1. You are way to elitist to be willing to get most of your comments from randoms.
2. You know your ego won't be fed as much if you can't get meaningless virtual accolades.
Yeah, if you still think this community is the problem, I don't know what to tell you. You'd struggle in every community that is not entirely controlled by you.
You are throwing out personal insults like it's Halloween candy tbf my guy.
Not to say that you haven’t had any good points in this conversation because you have, but you can at least try and be cordial about it.
V1 you're actually right on so many things about my nature. I struggle mightily with my narcissistic thoughts (I dont think I'm actually better than anyone, but that I'm a failure because i'm not better than everyone, the only way to make things make sense and for me to have a positive self-identity is to become better than others), and yes, the rct community is in a lot of ways my only reliable supply for ego and self-esteem. I hate that admitting this is just going to get others calling for my ban again.
I can't afford therapy. I had to move back in with queerphobic grandparents because I was being financially abused, and the neglect led me to having an acute condition that had I let it go on for another month, I'd likely be dead. Do you think I want these thoughts, or that I try to not fight them back and try to center my actions elsewhere, other than how hurt I feel that in the two years I was banned, so many people caught up to where I was at when I left that i end letting slip up more than occasionally.
I fucking want to get better. I've been making a living via gig economy for about 2 years now because I can't hold onto gainful employment. Akiko is right. Me wanting to plug in my patreon has a lot less to do with my narcissism (which i get fulfilled from accolades, praise, etc, not money) and more to do with absolute desperation.
The reason I wanted back onto NE was because I felt empty and lonely, and for how much I've been fucking up, I've actually been trying harder at not getting banned and not starting drama more than you perceive; I'm just that fucked up.
Look, what I fundamentally don't get is that you clearly hate the NE community. You said so yourself multiple times across the years. You also have your own discord (or some old H2H team discord, idk) with the people you actually like of NE. So I don't really understand the need of being on the NE discord, other than the principal feeling of being on the "main server".
Whether or not it's healthy for you and/or NE to remain on the site is something you and the admins have to think about. As someone who is used to grabbing the quick fix of sweets over actually trying to work on my (way smaller) issues, I'm not an entire stranger to the concept. So I won't tell you to just stop using NE to boost your ego, as much as I personally oppose to it.
I personally would like to see you banned for good. I think you know yourself that you have warranted that with your behaviour towards me and the community as a whole. But I would also not be opposed to another solution. Like banning you from the discord and team contests but still allowing you to compete in other contests (as long as you stay within the rules), posting screens and submitting parks. Shouldn't that be an acceptable solution?
Okay I dont know where people got the assumption that my ban was even intended to be permanent. I was told it was "indefinite" which to me meant for a year+.
i think the screen is great
I knew this Xeccah, and it was the main reason for me to consider removing your ban. I also know that your toxicity is largely outside of your control, and I know that you understand if it gets too much we will have to re-ban. So can we somehow work towards keeping a balance please. You could just be a passive member if the engagement with the competitive aspect of RCT is not doing you well, if it's too tied to personal validation. You look at what people are making, you philosophise about it, you compare it to old styles, etc. I can tell you it's nice
V1 it's already been brought up by others, but a balance goes for you too. You cannot insult people like you have in this topic.
If people are insulted by my surface level observations about their behavior, then those people have their own problems.
It's sad to hear you absolve Xeccah of any blame for her toxic behavior, and that you basically admit that you chose an individual's feelings over the wellbeing of the community, probably out of sympathy with that individual.
I can't believe you are talking about balance here. The only possible reason to lift a indefinite ban is that there are real reasons to think the individual changed their behavior. From what I hear from the official discord and other discord, Xeccah hasn't changed. She is still incredibly toxic element.
I left the discord as soon as she was unbanned because I didn't believe she changed, and as far as I can tell I was right to do so. I value my mental wellbeing way to much to be on a discord with such an incredibly toxic element, and me saying that says a lot. I would also feel better if I could return to the discord, but I guess my feelings don't count because I'm not your friend haha.
I think both of you should know not to double down when people tell you to stop. It'd be a shame if we had to lock this topic or worse, because some of the discussion here is sensible with good arguments on either side. The topic of Patreon is worth discussing. I don't think it's fair to discuss someone's ban status in public like this, it's too personal.
But to set the record straight: I don't think Shogo's ban was ever openly communicated as 'permanent', it was 'indefinite'. We reconsidered after a year and then decided to reconsider again in a year. We had reason to believe there had been some positive change. I still maintain that there is growth, but issues also remain.
I think all of us need to stay vigilant here, but also allow for small human slip-ups that I'm also no stranger to myself. But when things derail... Don't double down.