General Chat / Van Chelsea: An NE Movie

I believe that I may be Van Chelsea since I said that I wanted to be a 'good guy who's been left out of the loop'.  Except that I also said that I wanted my own name.

Anyway this isn't as funny as Outlaw's first movie, but it is far better at holding my interest.  His just seemed so random and sloppy in places where this is done really professional-like. 

Oh and

ride6

OneCoolCJ is Van Chelsea. I mentioned that in the other thread.

And I think Outlaw's was pretty well tied together until the end when Guljam killed everyone, raped Ann, only to be shot by Toon.

Haha. The whole Fatha bit was good.

yes...great thing to come home too...now if only my misunderstood geniusness will show up..

btw how many parts you thinking of writing cork?

I believe that I may be Van Chelsea since I said that I wanted to be a 'good guy who's been left out of the loop'.  Except that I also said that I wanted my own name.

Anyway this isn't as funny as Outlaw's first movie, but it is far better at holding my interest.  His just seemed so random and sloppy in places where this is done really professional-like. 

Oh and  

ride6

OneCoolCJ is Van Chelsea. I mentioned that in the other thread.

And I think Outlaw's was pretty well tied together until the end when Guljam killed everyone, raped Ann, only to be shot by Toon.

Well in that case I'm looking forward to my appearence. Great writing so far Cork. Oh and it's on page 3, you know what that means.

ride6

Great stuff so far. Keep it up! That whole Fatha bit was hilarious. Can't wait for part three.

We should do another one Corky. YOu can do plot I'll do humor.

No? OK I'm drunk.

We should do another one Corky.  YOu can do plot I'll do humor.

No?  OK I'm drunk.

figures..

We should do another one Corky.  YOu can do plot I'll do humor.

No?  OK I'm drunk.

LOL, that would work. I just don't pay enough attention to a lot of people here to make good spoofs, I guess. Also, the fact that you have the "cool factor" probably doesn't hurt either.


Anyway, part III is coming up as soon as I finish it and get the photoshops done.

PART III
The setting: Right outside the church. It is nighttime, and Kumba and Van Chelsea are waiting for a ride to pick them up.

Van Chelsea: “Dammit, we could have been long gone. Why the heck did you have to crash your car into a statue of PeeWee Herman?”

Kumba: “Sorry, yo, but I was racin this jip, and I had to win. I thought I could makes the jump, but he scratched up my rims and I went outta control, man! Those were some foine spinnas too. Gottem for discount last time.”

Van Chelsea: “How many times to I have to tell you? Wal-Mart makes shitty products!!!”

Kumba: “Yea yea, you’re rite. I go to Target next time.”

Van Chelsea: *groan*

Before our hero has a chance to rip into Kumba, a curious blonde-haired scholar riding a dirt bike with a large wagon hitched behind it drives up loudly, pulling a feel wheelies and spinning figure eights around the piazza before coming to a stop right in front of Van Chelsea and Kumba.

Driver: “G’evening! I am your driver for your trip to the East. My name is Andrew, but you can call me Ed.”

Van Chelsea: “What the hell, Kumba, we’re supposed to go on a long trip in a cart? I thought you called a taxi!”

Kumba: “Yo, man, you trippin? Do you even know how much cabs cost these days? I gotsa be saving up, man! Gotta fix my car, put in them new rims, and I saw this PIMPIN fuzzy dice at Walgreens!”

Van Chelsea: *muttering* “I’m gonna make sure this idiot never gets chosen as a member of the elite by The Boss.”

The two hop onto the wagon, which groans under their weight. It, itself is spacious enough, but there are only four aluminum railings to grab a hold of for safety.

Ed: “All right, fellas, get ready for the ride of your life! We’re going to Erwindale!!!”

Van Chelsea: “We’re going to Erwindale?”

Kumba: “Yeah. I mentioned that to you right after A. Diddy showed you that picture of Jess.”

Van Chelsea: “Oh. Funny, I don’t remember that.”

Ed revs up his dirt bike a few times, growing louder and louder as Van Chelsea’s trepidation increases. He’s just about to floor it, when out of nowhere, a Ford Focus comes roaring into the scene, stopping right in front of the dirt bike and blocking its path. Out stomps a furious short haired artist.

Artist: “What the hell??? I’m the one who’s supposed to be in this scene! I’m the one who guides them, dammit!!!”

Ed: “Whoa, chill, Blitz! It’s okay. Besides you don’t know the way to Erwindale.”

Blitz: “I can figure it out!!! No get outta here before I beat you and tie you up to a Batman the Ride support post!!!”

Ed: “Oh, um… uh… Look! There’s Adam Malawista!!!”

Blitz: “Huh? WHERE??”

Ed: “Over there!” *points to a figure in the distance.”

Blitz: !!!!! “OhmygoditsMalamyheroI’vebeensearchingtheworldalloverforyouwhyareyourunningawayfrommeplease
comebackrightnowIloveyouMalaletmelearnyouramazingsecretsofRCTpleasedon’trunaway!!!!!! MALAAAAAAA!!!!!!”

And thus, Blitz dashes off into the distance, leaving his car behind.

Van Chelsea: “Well, as long as he left his car behind, lets drive that instead so we don’t die on our way there.”

Ed: *sigh* “Oh all right. Cinematographically, we would have looked better on a dirt bike…”

Kumba: *whispering* “He’s whack, yo!”

Van Chelsea: “Speak for yourself.”

The three climb into the Focus, squeezing into the coupe.

Ed: “All right, dudes, are you ready? Here we GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo!!!!”

With that, Ed plants his boots firmly onto the accelerator, sending Kumba and Van Chelsea sailing back into the rear windows. Flooring it, Ed tears out of the piazza, cutting off several 18-wheelers and causing a 11 vehicle accident on the onramp as he enters the interstate.

Ed: “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!”

Van Chelsea: “Mother fucker you’re going 180!!!”

Ed: “Ain’t it totally radical?”



Kumba: “What out for that car—and that truck—CRAP, THAT’S THE CENTER DIVIDER!!!!”

Ed: “Whoa! That was a close one!”

Van Chelsea: “We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die! And I never did get to punch that Six Flags King who put up all those posters for my arrest!”

Ed: “Just enjoy Ed: The Ride man!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

The small Focus continues tearing down the interstate at a breakneck speed, music blaring loudly all the way.

Van Chelsea: “DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO PLAY THAT GETTAWAY MUSIC?”

Ed: “YES! I LOVE BANJOS!!!”

Kumba: “Watch out for that SUV!!!!”

The Focus veers around an oncoming Explorer, just barely missing it. The Explorer is not so lucky, as it spins out of control and rolls over, flipping six times before coming to a stop near a tree. Luckily, the driver is able to crawl out unscathed and shakes his fist at the Focus.

Toon: “YOU STUPID KIDS!!!!”

Five hours later, Ed finally brings the Focus to a stop by the side of a dusty road in a thick forest. Getting out and opening the door, he looks back to find Kumba and Van Chelsea whiter than Dick Cheney’s tan. It takes a bit of coaxing, but they finally emerge from the car, shaken but not too stirred.

Ed: “You guys are here, dudes. Good luck on your quest.”

And with that, Ed hops back in and screeches off into the distance.

Van Chelsea: “Fuck! We left our weapons back in Houston!!!”

Kumba: “Damn, that sucks. Hey check it out, bro! A donut shop! Maybe we can get a grip there!”

Van Chelsea: “WTF?”

Kumba: “Just follow me, yo!”

The two cross the road and enter the Krispy Kreme located on the other side. Inside, the manager greets them with a thick, slow, and methodical Brooklyn accent.



Manager: “What can I do, for a couple of fine gentlemen like yourselves?”

Kumba: “What’s cracklackin, Mouse? Gimme the Kumba special.”

A look of confusion washes over the manager’s face for instant until it’s replaced by a gleam of recognition.

MightyMouse: “Hey hey! Kumba, my very good friend! I did not recognize you without your baggy pants, sideways cap, $150 Jordans, and fake jewelry from the 99 Cent store!”

Van Chelsea: *nudging Kumba* “You know this guy?”

Kumba: “Yo, fo sho, holmes! He’s my home boy, dawg!”

Van Chelsea: “Dammit, everyone’s your home boy.”

Kumba: “Not my home girls… and I gots plenty, if ya know what I mean… ahahahahahaHA!”

Van Chelsea stands there looking confused.

Kumba: “Anyway, MightyMouse, my man, I need some of your finest to ice some serious vamps, ya hear?”

MightyMouse: “Of course, of course. You know I carry… only the best. I will fetch the wares from my secret compartment, and I will be with you shortly.”

Mouse descends down the stairway of a hidden compartment while the other two wait. A minute later, he comes in from outside lugging and identical suitcase to what Kumba had presented earlier back in Houston. Kumba opens up the case and does a quick inventory, then rises and frowns.

Kumba: “Yo, dawg, where da pufferfish?”

MightyMouse: “Oh yes, I quite nearly forgot. Please. Look away while go to retrieve this highly classified sample of technology.”

As Kumba and Van Chelsea look away, MightyMouse walks over the counter and takes out a rubbery-looking pufferfish doll and what appears to be a car remote entry key.

MightyMouse: “This is the most dangerous weapon alive. The Adix 3000. It will eliminate your problems… instantaneously. I have used this myself in the past. It is quite effective.”

Van Chelsea: “How’s it work?”

MightyMouse: “It is actually quite simple. You take this key and press the green button to activate it. The Adix just does the rest.”

Van Chelsea: “Mind if I test it out?”

MightyMouse: “It would be a privilege to serve the great Van Chelsea.”

Van Chelsea takes the key and points it at the pufferfish, then presses the red button. Suddenly, the fish begins to vibrate and expand. It grows to an amazing size, reaching human size in less than ten seconds, then suddenly pops, unleashing a cloud of smoking. When the air clears, a young man holding a remote control stands in place of the fish.



Adix: “I am the Adix 3000. I take care of your problems.”

Kumba: “Yo, VC. This thing is pimpin. It’s totaly ottomatic, ya hear?”

Suddenly, the door opens, and in walks SFAW Fan. The Adix 3000 wheels around, eyes glowing red, and points his remote towards the new guest.

Adix: “I sense an intruder. It must be terminated.”

Kumba: “No, it’s okay! He’s just a gues—!!!”

Kumba jumps in front of the innocent victim, only for the remote beam to strike him. He disappears in a flash, leaving SFAW Fan shocked as to what happened and Van Chelsea startled.

SFAW Fan: “What the?”

The Adix 3000 proceeds to zap SFAW Fan, disappearing him in another flash.

Van Chelsea: “Dammit, how the heck do you stop this thing???”

MightyMouse: “You simply press the red button on the key.”

Van Chelsea quickly points the key at Adix and presses the red button. The Adix 3000 stops, then shrinks back down, morphing back into a rubbery-looking pufferfish doll.

Van Chelsea: “Whew! That was a close one.”

He places the pufferfish inside the suitcase, then picks up the suitcase and his bags and starts to leave.

MightyMouse: “An inquiry, Mr. Van Chelsea. Will you not bring my friend Kumba back? You know that it is possible, do you not? Simple press the yellow button, and he may be brought back from wherever he is at this point in time.”

Van Chelsea: “I guess…”

He takes the pufferfish back out, then points the key at it and hits the green button, then the yellow button. The Adix 3000 proceeds to point its remote at a corner. With a blast of light, suddenly Kumba reappears with Metal raping him from behind.

Kumba: “I’m being raped! I’m being raped!”

Metal: “That’s my line! Take that wiggeratchi!!!”

Van Chelsea: “On second thought, he was kind of getting on my nerves.”

He presses the UNDO button on the key, and the Adix 3000 disappears the two once again. MightyMouse looks on, then shrugs.

MightyMouse: “I suppose it is not my business. However, I would like to offer you some donuts. Please take them with my regards.”

Van Chelsea: “Thanks.”

With that, he gathers his supplies and exits the Krispy Kreme. Walking down the road, he munches on a glazed donut and begins making plans. The town of Erwindale is shortly ahead, and that is where his mission will begin when he reaches it. Fade to black.

Haha! That was great - but bring back Kumba. He rocks.

Omg lol. That was fucking hillarious.

That was awesome, I can't wait for part IV.

The whole "They were shaken, not stired" bit was hilarious.

Man, this just keeps getting better and better. Seriously, the MightyMouse part was great.
And I couldn't help but laugh at Blitz-sama.

I love you Corky.

It's good but part II was the best so far IMO. Looking forward to part IV through the end. This is sure to be very entertaining.

ride6

Awesome. All 3 parts. Keep it up Corky.

keep it up man.

Ed's real name is Andrew? What kinda fucked up shit is that about?

Definately my favorite part. Keep it up!