General Chat / Van Chelsea: An NE Movie

Hey, I gotta ask, out of curiosity, Cursealot... what the heck is that in your avatar and where'd you find that?

Hey, I gotta ask, out of curiosity, Cursealot... what the heck is that in your avatar and where'd you find that?

James Lipton spontaneously combusting is my guess.

I guess what I meant was is it a real person's head exploding while he's alive, or was he dead and they blew him up, or is it like a mannequin that they rigged to look realistic.

I think someone told me before, but I forgot.

Plus I'm trying to make conversation and keep this thread going DESPITE THE LACK OF UNIQUE REPLIES until I get a chance to write the final part.

You know, I can see my character with that high-pitched voice of Karen from Will and Grace... It makes everything much more funny.

You know, I can see my character with that high-pitched voice of Karen from Will and Grace...  It makes everything much more funny.

I hate her voice. It almost like nails scraping down a chalkboard.

A friend sent it to me, but I have no idea what the fuck it is. Just thought it was kind of funny (I have a twisted sense of humour... obviously...).

I do hope Part VIII is going to be finished relatively soon, the "movie" is starting to get really interesting.

PART VIII
The setting: the clearing in front of Sleeping Slobby’s Castle during the next day. As “Battle without Honor or Humiilty” hits, our team of four walks forward into view in slow motion. A triple delayed zoom brings the camera up to their faces, and the team struts forward in a totally cool fashion. Kumba, Jess, Martha, and Van Chelsea are determined to succeed… or die trying.

Kumba: “Yo, dawgs, cans we walk normal now? My legs are KILLin me from this slo mo stuff!”

Music abruptly dies, as though an LP was suddenly halted.

Van Chelsea: “Um… yeah. Lets just go.”

The castle is just like they had left it… blasted, dark, and slightly burnt. The four walk through the blasted doors.

cBass: “You tried to blow me up but, now I’m still alive.
And I’ll make you pay for it, especially Pym gooorrrruhwoooonnoorurrrrarrrrrhah…”

Van Chelsea: “Stupid fish on the door.”

Inside, as expected, Slob stands at the top of the grand staircase to greet them, his gorgeous brides by his side. At ground level, five vampires from a decidedly thinner-than-yesterday line to confront them. As soon as the four heroes step into the room, Slob motions with his hands, and what’s left of the doors slam closed.

Slob: “I knew you fools would be back. This time, you will not find the same success. PenguinBOB!”

A short, chubby creature hesitantly steps out behind him, waddling to the side. He speaks with an aged, slithery voice.

BOB: “Yesh masta?”

Slob: “Tell our guests who their guests are.”

BOB: “Of course. Dees are the five vampires hoo vill challenge you.”

Van Chelsea: “There were a lot more yesterday… what happened to them?”

Slob: “I killed them because they sucked. That work?”

Van Chelsea: “Yeah.”

BOB: “Anyvay, vhere wass I? Ooh yesh… dees five vill fight joo. They are Mad Dawg, a very mad wolfy guy. A.J. is deadly and hass leeteral firepower. Fabrice Case is masta’s trusted servant. CGM vill crush you. And that last guy iss ride6. Ve found him wandering around yesterday.”

Slob: “That’s enough. It’s hard to listen to you talk. Gentlemen, you will have to go through these five deadly assassins before you can even dream of meeting your demise at my hands. It will be a fight, five on… oh wait! There are only four of you! Haha! It will be a handicapped match! You do not stand a chance! And theirs is no one else to help you! Muahahaahahaha!!!!”

Suddenly, the doors collapse, kicked open by some unknown figure. When the dust has cleared, a very scratched up, dirty, and chubby figure stands at the entrance.

Slob: “YOU! But you fell into the abyss!!!”

Turtleman: “Stand!” *cough* “Back!” *cough* “There’s a Turtleman coming through.” *wheeze*

Van Chelsea: “Wow, Turtleman! You’re alive! But how? We also saw you plummet to the abyss!”

Turtleman: “My blubber—I mean my superhero custom padding allowed me to survive my fall. Yes, that’s it… padding. Also, I landed directly on SFK, who helped break my fall.”

Jess: “You landed on him?”

Turtleman: “Yup. Lets just say that though he made fun of my weight, in the end, I helped him get… a little thinner? Hahahaha!”

Martha: “….right…”

Turtleman: “Anyway, I’m here to join your team. Five on five… that’s a fair match!”

The other four: “All right!”

Slob: “Fools! It won’t matter. My minions will SLAUGHTER YOU!”

With that, the villains spring into action, matching off with each member of the Fellowship Against the Slob. Kumba and Jess, both backed into the same corner, find themselves against CGM and Mad Dawg.

Mad Dawg: “I’m gonna tear you apart lady! ROAR!!!”

With a leap, he launches himself at Jess, but he sidesteps him, pulling out a whip and striking him off the counter.

Mad Dawg: “OWWWW!!! YOU HURT ME! ROAR!!!”

He leaps again, but the snap of the whip catches him in midair, and he crumples to the floor. Meanwhile, Kumba and CGM face off.

CGM: “Your mother’s a whore!”

Kumba: “Oh no, you did NOTS just insult my MAMA!”

CGM: “FUCK YEAH I DID!”

Kumba: “Aw hell no. It’s time to break out the moves!!!”

Kumba does several somersaults, then lands a double kick across the face of CGM, who’s too slow to react. A backflip kick gets him on the chin, and Kumba then proceeds to start spinning on his head, kicing CGM again repeatedly.

Kumba: “I’m a third degree black belt in Breakdance Fighting, BIOTCH! Learned from da very best, FOO! Eat Zoolander dust!!!”

CGM: “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”

A spinneroonie takes out CGM’s feet from under him, knocking him down. Kumba then proceeds to walk all over him with some Crazy Eights, then finishes off the routine with a Butterfly.

Meanwhile, Fabrice has confronted Van Chelsea.

Fabrice: “You will pay for what you did!”

Van Chelsea: “Huh? I don’t even know you!”

Fabrice: “Does the name Jenny Sparky have any meaning to you?”

Van Chelsea: “A little. What’s it mean to you?”

Fabrice: *reverts to an eerie calm* “My name is Fabrice Case. You killed my boyfriend. Prepare to die.”

Van Chelsea: “Huh?”

Fabrice: “My name is Fabrice Case. You killed my boyfriend. Prepare to die.”

Van Chelsea: “Stop saying that.”

Fabrice: “My name is Fabrice Case. You killed my boyfriend. Prepare to DIE!”

Van Chelesa: “Stop SAYING that!!!”

Fabrice rushes at Van Chelsea until a voice interrupts the fight.

Martha: “FABRICE!!! You and I have unfinished business.”

Fabrice turns to face the voice.

Fabrice: “Martha ‘Berlin’ Edwards. You’ve returned from whatever hole you ran off to. Have you come back to grovel before my feet?”

Martha: “You only wish. Today, you will pay for your traitorous crimes with your LIFE!”

Revealing his rainbow-colored staff, Martha strikes a battle pose.

Fabrice: “Oh, this will be fun. I am going to screw you repeatedly, Martha. And after I’ve exhausted you, YOU’RE NEXT, Van Chelsea!!!”

Unsheathing his own rainbow rod, he strikes a battle stance. Seconds pass by, seemingly in slow motion, and then the two charge.

Fabrice: “RAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Martha: “YIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYEAAAAAA!!!!”

They clash with unbelievable ferocity, sparks literally flying. An intense staff fight commences, each Queen skillfully attacking and parrying, countering each move. Equally matched, few blows actually land, and those that do are ignored as the combatants concentrate only on the battle.

On the other side of the room, A.J. tries to take advantage of an obviously tired Turtleman. Balling his hands into fists, he gathers up thermo energy, turning his hands into veritable fireballs. With a sudden burst, he hurls them at Turtleman, but despite the superhero’s recent fall and obviously exhaustion, he leaps to the side, deflecting one fireball while dodging another. A.J., however, is already forming new flames to shoot. Thinking quickly Turtleman acts before the attack.

Turtleman: “Turtleblobs, GO!”

Two sticky, translucent green sludges cover A.J.’s hands. To his surprise the villain cannot unleash his powers. He screams in pain as the trapped flames burn his hands.

A.J.: “AHHHHHHHHHH!!! It burnssssssssssss!!! Take it off us! It burnsssss us so!!!”

This is Turtleman’s moment to strike. He leaps forward as the 1960s Adam West Batman theme starts playing.

Turtleman: “My turn to give the beating! Turtlepunch!

POW!

Turtleman: “Turtlekick!”

ZAP!

Turtleman: “Turtleslap!”

WHAM!

Turtleman: “Turtleheadbutt!”

OOF!

Turtleman: “Turtleslam!!!”

BAZOOK!!!

Seeing his opponent crumpled onto the ground, Turtleman rushes up a flight of stairs to the side, then hops onto the balcony railing facing away from his foe.

Turtleman: “TURTLEBANZAI!!!!!!!”

Time now really slows down, as everyone in the room stops to look at this shrieking blob of flesh crouch, then jump up backwards. Turtleman commits two full back flips while twisting 540 degrees before coming down, ass first, right on top of A.J.’s sternum. Even Slob looks away as the enormous force of the impact carves a crater into A.J.’s chest. With the most extreme banzai drop in history, Turtleman becomes the first to fall his opponent.



Slob: “Dammit.”

The way each the combatants have paired up leaves Van Chelsea with his foe: ride6, newly turned vampire from the previous day.

ride6: “Aw jeez… how did this happen? Aw crap…”

The new vampire backs up nervously as Van Chelsea takes out a silver stake.

ride6: “Look, I’m a new vamp! I don’t even want to fight you! How about I just leave? Okay? I’ll just go away. Please don’t hur—”

A stake to the heart takes care of that.

Van Chelsea: “Heh heh heh! Easier than a battle rap against Twimasta!”

Meanwhile, after taking Kumba’s early offense, CGM has fought back, landing hard rights and lefts on the hackmaster.

Kumba: “OOF! You just hit below the belt!”

CGM: “FUCK YEA I DID!!!”

Kumba: “Oh, that’s it! Check DIS out. You can’t see me!!”

Kumba waves his hand in front of his face, ala WWE Superstar John Cena.



CGM: “Hahah, you’re right—wait a minute, where did you go?”

Kumba: “I’m right in front of you, BITCH!” *PUNCH*

CGM: “OW! My nose! Show yourself.”

Kumba: “I sed you can’t see me. And you CAN’T! SEE! ME!!!” *thwack*

CGM: “My shin!”

Kumba continues the beating, hitting him with everything, while CGM flails around, reaching into air. He knocks him down with a hard left before stomping on his groin for good measure, then turns to help Jess, who is having a bit of trouble with Mad Dawg now that he’s not leaping without abandon.

Jess: “Ow! Did you just kick my ass?”

Mad Dawg: “I’ll be doing a lot worse than that when I’m done!!!”

He slams a paw straight at Jess’s chest, knocking the wind out of her. Then, grabbing her throat, he holds her up to administer the killing blow.

Kumba: “Hey doggie! Fetch!!!”

Mad Dawg looks over to find an axe heading straight toward him. He lands, lifeless, onto the ground, ax blade half buried into his face. Kumba hurries over to help Jess up.

Jess: “I had him. I didn’t need any help.”

Kumba: “Yo, I know, but I couldn’t just dos nothing while a hot, fly chick like you was being choked!”

Jess: “I said I didn’t need help!”

Kumba: “Alright, alright! Chill baby!”

He backs away, but apparently, Jess is still angered, because she lashes her whip out at Kumba head. Kumba is too slow to react and braces for the worst, until he realizes the end of the whip is attached to the neck of CGM, who had tried to sneak up and attack him. Turning around, he watches as Jess snaps the whip back, wrenching the rope and twisting CGM’s neck violently to the side, snapping it. Though the vampire is not actually killed by the move, he is rendered paralyzed and useless. He crumples to the ground, murmuring in pain.

Kumba: “Whoa… thanks!”

Jess is remarkably a lot calmer.

Jess: “We’re even. Just don’t let your guard down like that again.”

She winks at Kumba, who is left speechless.

By now, there remains but one battle, the battle of the Queens. Following Turtleman’s drop of doom, they have returned to a vicious melee, turning to magic after their physical strengths have proven equal.

Martha: “I summon FLOWER POWER!!!”

Out of nowhere, a hail of flowers sweeps toward Fabrice, gusting with terrible fury.

Fabrice: “I summon the POWER of FLOWER that is OURS!!!”

A countering hurricane of posies blows toward Martha. The two forces hurtle at each other, canceling each other out as they collide. Both Queens hold their spells, pressing against the other, trying to overpower his opponent. The ground trembles and quakes at the might. Finally, the spell spent, the flowers implode, sending a blast that knocks both men to their feet and shatters their staffs.

Fabrice: “My rod!!! You broke my precious rod!!!”

Van Chelsea: “Hey Fabrice, eat this.”

He fires an arrow straight into Fabrice’s chest, impaling him with the think projectile, and yet he does not die!

Fabrice: “OW! What did you do that for?”

Martha: “To distract you and let me do THIS!!!”

Swinging a heavy broadsword, Martha lops off Fabrice’s head in one stroke. The body collapses to the ground, tie-dye blood seeping across the floor. Satisfied with his action, he gives a nod to Van Chelsea. Then the five heroes turn to face Slob.

Van Chelsea: “That was just too easy.”

Slob shows little emotion, but it is his cold silence that gives away his rage inside.

Slob: “My beautiful brides, I have a matter to dispose of. Please, go to my bedroom and play with each other until I return.”

Van Chelsea: “Can I watch?”

Jess: *slaps Van Chelsea* “Not the time!”

Slob’s brides file out of the room, going down a corridor and disappearing into the darkness. Van Chelsea watches with sadness as they leave.

Slob: “Now, you will deal with me, and ALL the POWER of… MY IMAGINATION!!!”

Team: “Oh no!”

An explosion wracks the grand lobby.

Team: “AH!”

Through the smoke, Slob is growing, larger and larger.

Slob: “Muahahahaah!! Ahahaahahaahaa! Ahahaha! AHHHHHHHHH Hahahahaa!!!!”

With a roar, he crashes through the roof of the building, rising up outside to amazing heights, meanwhile metamorphosing into an enormous stuffed bear. With one stomp, he sends the five flying out the entrance, landing back on the field that faces the castle.

Van Chelsea: “All right guys, this is it. You know what to do now!”

The others nod.

Van Chelsea: “All right! It’s morphin’ time!”

The five take out amulets and point them straight forward.



Kumba: “Mastadon!”

Jess: “Pterodactyl!”

Turtleman: “Turtleceratops!”

Martha: “Sabertooth Flamingo!”

Van Chelsea: “Tyrannosaurus!”

Music plays in the background: Go go Power Slayers! New Mighty Morphin’ Power Slayers… yeah!

Kumba: “Hey! Why do I gotta be the BLACK Ranger?”

Van Chelsea: “He’s huge! This calls for some backup!”

Power Slayers: “We need Slayerzord power NOW!”

From the depths of the earth and the farthest reaches of the globe, enormous mechanized animals charge forth: a charging mastodon, a flying pterodactyl, a rumbling turtle with three horns, a ferocious flamingo, and a mighty T-Rex. Coming together, they transform into mechanical limbs, then come together to form one large machine that equals Slob’s new form in size! The Power Slayers leap into the cockpit.

Van Chelsea: “Mega Slayerzord is online!”

Slob: “You puny humans are no match for me!!!”

Slob shoots out lasers from his eyes, causing tons of explosions to the Slayerzord.



Power Slayers: “Whoa!”

Kumba: “That was intense, yo!”

Van Chelsea: “All right. We need the Super Slayer Sword!”

Out of thin air, a giant sword magically flashes into the Slayerzord’s hands. An immediate strike causes Slob to roar in rage. He retaliates with a powerful blast of heat, the stench of which knocks the Zord backwards.

Jess: “Mobility systems down to 50%! Another one of those and we’re crippled!”

Kumba and Van Chelsea: “Right!”

A bit slower, the Slayerzord attacks and manages to stab Slob, but Slob delivers a punishing blow with his paw, knocking the Zord down. Suddenly, vTd steps into the scene.

vTd: “Wait, wait wait a minute! This is terrible! You call this a movie? You’re totally ripping off a plot. You have stupid jokes. The part before this one was just absolutely terrible! There’s no sense of flow, and no point this at all! I wish I could say I enjoy it, but you’re doing this whole thing wrong. A Power Rangers spoof? That’s sad. I give his * out of ****. You can do—AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh….”

His speech is quickly interrupted when Slob kicks him into the distance. He then shifts his attention back to the fallen Slayerzord.

Martha: “Right… get us back up and erect!!”

Van Chelsea: “Haha! You said—”

Jess: “Shaddup and act mature!”

Van Chelsea: “Right! But how?”

Turtleman: “I got it! Think turtle!”

The Other Four: “Huh?”

Turtleman: “How does a turtle get up?”

The Other Four: ….

Turtleman: “By rocking around on its shell until it’s on its belly!”

The Other Four: “Right!”

Martha: “You heard the blob! Lets do this thing and finish Slob off! I have to catch Queer As Folk at nine!”

As Slob steps to deliver the knockout stomp, the Slayerzord rolls over. Getting up, it spears Slob in the chest with the sword, sending him back six and a half steps, the perfect distance to unleash the ultimate attack.

Van Chelsea: “All right, guys! It’s time to finish this once and for all!”

Power Slayers: “Super Slayer Projectile Attack, NOW!”

Building up energy, the Slayerzord aims at Slob, who looks up just in time to see a massive beam of plasma surging straight toward him. With an enormous explosion, the creature is felled, and the Slayerzord strikes a victory pose.



Jess: “We did it!”

Martha: “All right! We defeated Slob!”

Turtleman: “We are awesome!”

Kumba: “That was foshizzle my nizzle!!!”

Van Chelsea: “Yep. I rock. I mean WE rock. We.”

Without warning, a giant icicle strikes the Slayerzord from behind, sending the Power Slayers tumbling out of their machine. They watch in horror as the Zord falls to the ground and fizzles out of operation.

Kumba: “What the Nelly was DAT?”

Turtleman: “I dunno, but—”

Out of nowhere, a black and white blob flies through the air, slashing Turtleman in half. Then, Martha finds his wig lashed in half.

Martha: “My wig!”

Having apparently missed, the blob strikes again, but a chance turn creates an odd angle, and Martha’s shirt is slashed instead.

Martha: “My bra!”

The third time is the charm for the mysterious attacker, who finally succeeds in stabbing Martha, but in the process, the blade becomes lodged in his body, bending awkwardly as she falls to the ground.

Martha: “My…abs…”

The blur continues as the three remaining heroes look around nervously. Without warning, Kumba is taken out by a club shot to the head. Seeing his friend down, Van Chelsea finally loses his cool.

Van Chelsea: “Show yourself you coward!!!”

His flailing arms happen to connect with the attacker during another ambush attack, and the resulting clothesline knocks it down on impact, leaving a small, waddling creature rolling on the ground.

Jess and Van Chelsea: “PenguinBOB???”

BOB: “You!!! You people had to destroy my puppetssss!!!!!”

Van Chelsea: “What are you talking about?”

BOB: “Slob. SLOB!! You killzed him!!!! Why did you kills him? WHY??”

Van Chelsea: “He was evil! He treated you like dirt!”

BOB: “I likesed it that way!!!”

Jess: “Huh?”

BOB: “You don’t understand. You don’t likes it. All this time, I was under control. ME! PenguinBOB!!!”

Van Chelsea: “I don’t understand…”

BOB: “I just SAID that! Slob was nothing more than a puppet… a puppet he wasssss!!! I controlsed him! I controlsed him with my mind! I controlsed ALL OF THEM! And now he’s gone! THEY’RE ALL GONE!!!”

Van Chelsea: “Look, maybe you’re sad over the death of your master...”

BOB suddenly flashes a look of pure evil.

BOB: “You wills pay for this!!!”

Launching himself at Van Chelsea, he strikes him down with surprising force unexpected for a creature with the waddly body of a penguin. Biting and snapping at our hero’s neck, PenguinBOB does all he can to inflict pain, scratching and clawing, but Van Chelsea succeeds in flipping him off. Grabbing a dagger, he tosses the weapon at BOB, who takes it but keeps on charging. A second dagger does very little to slow him down, and he spears Van Chelsea down to the ground before taking a large chomp out of his side.

Van Chelsea: “AHHHHHHHH!!! My ribs!!!”

BOB: “MY ribssss!!! Me wants them! Me wants you to feel PAIN!!!”

The agony keeps Van Chelsea down longer than usual, allowing PenguinBOB to deliver punishing blows to our hero’s face and torso. BOB then rises up and lifts a boulder, raising it above his head with amazing strength.

BOB: “Now, I wills flatten you like the little flies you are!!!”

Suddenly, an enormous, icy club swings into view, connecting with the vulnerable body of PenguinBOB.

BOB: “Halup… WHOA!!!!”

The evil penguin goes flying far into the distance. In his place stands a large, white yeti, smiling and admiring the home run shot.



Van Chelsea: “You saved… me…”

The yeti then starts to convulse, then shrinks down to human size, morphing back into a familiar sight.

Van Chelsea: “Kumba! You’re a shape shifter?”

Kumba nods as Van Chelsea staggers to his feet.

Kumba: “Sho is, playa.”

Van Chelsea: “And that… what was that?”

Kumba: “Smash da pingu.”

He shrugs, as if it’s nothing unusual.

Van Chelsea: “You were dead! I saw you get smashed!”

Kumba: “Aw, dawg, me? Nah man. I wass juss knocked OUT. I woke up. Don’t worry ‘bout me, bro. Though I do have to say… I’m sorry.”

Van Chelsea: “Sorry? Sorry for what?”

Kumba: “That”

He gestures behind Van Chelsea, but before he can turn, a pair of sharp fangs pierce his skin. A burning pain rockets through his body as blood is drawn, sipped into the fangs. Already weakened, Van Chelsea cannot fight back. After minute, he can only slump down to his knees, eyes already blurring and mind rapidly growing faint from the massive loss of blood. Turning his head, he strains to see who was behind him, only to have Jess step around in front of him.

Van Chelsea: “Jess? You’re a…”

Jess: “Yes. I’m a vampire.”

Van Chelsea: “But… how?”

Jess: “I guess when I told you my story about how Slob changed my mom, I forgot to tell you that a year later, my mother attempted to visit me. However, she could not resist the bloodlust, so at age eleven, I too was changed.”

Van Chelsea: “But… why did you do… this? You hated… Slob… and I… killed him.”

Jess: “Correction. WE killed him. But surely, you must know… I’m a vampire. A bloodsucker. And you are the world’s foremost hunter. Surely you did not think I could let you wander and give you the chance to eventually kill me?”

Van Chelsea: “I… helped you…”

Jess: “Yes, and I thank you for participating in my plan. I needed you to eliminate Slob. That way, my ancestors could be free. That way, I could become the new queen… I, Jess Alexia, could become the most beautiful and ravishing and powerful ruler of all vampires!”

Van Chelsea: “You used me…”

Jess: “I’m glad what little blood you have left is being put to good use in your brain. Yes, indeed. You did nothing to improve your position from a lowly pawn. Had you been kind and charming to me, I may have reconsidered this, but instead, you were nothing more than a raunchy, horny, immature, pathetic mule!”

Van Chelsea: “And you… Kumba… you betrayed… me…”

Kumba steps forward, wrapping his arm around Jess’s waist. The vampire does not seem to mine, and in fact rather enjoys it.

Kumba: “Naw dawg. You betrayed ME. Yo man, I’m sick and TIRED of you using me. I ain’t yo pal. I’m just some sucka you take when you need and leave when you don’t need him. Shit, you think I LIKED being left in that Netherworld? You think I LIKED being raped by METAL? I mean, I’m all for experimentation, but dis is METAL, foo! You ain’t out to care me, dawg. So I don’t care you. Besides, it was helping you, or spending the rest of eternity with this foxy mama. She is HOT yo! Who in their right mind would pass dat up!”

Jess: “I like my men strong and cool, Van Chelsea. Not weak like you. Why, if it wasn’t for the Adix 3000, you wouldn’t have killed a hundredth of the vampires you faced. At most, you’d be stabbing stupid morons who deserve to die anyway. You’re weak, and stupid. Not like Kumba here. Kumba knows how to treat a woman the right way.”

The two embrace right in front of our dying hero… or perhaps now, he’s a zero. After making out, Jess steps away and turns to Van Chelsea.

Jess: “But you did play a part in defeating my greatest foe. So for that, I do thank you.”

She bends down and gives him a cold kiss on the lips… a kiss of death, it would seem.

Van Chelsea: “But…. But….”

Jess stands up and walks away, arm in arm with Kumba, back to the castle. They disappear through the doors, and as they do, Van Chelsea falls down onto the dry, scratchy brush. He does not move.

Fade to black.






DIRECTED, WRITTEN, and PRODUCED BY:
Corkscrewed


A C.S.D.I Productions

A New Element Productions


VAN CHELSEA: An NE MOVIE


CAST:
OneKoolCJ as “Van Chelsea”
FezziSusan as “Jess”
Kumba as “Kumba”
Slob as “Slob”
Critic as “Martha ‘Berlin’ Edwards”
Turtleman as “Turtleman”
MightyMouse011 as “MightyMouse”
rctfan1556 as “rctfan1556”
Sparky as “Jenny Sparky”
Moonspoon as “Moonspoon”
VC15SA as “VC”
Alec as “A. Diddy”
Adix as “The Adix 3000”
SFAW Fan as “SFAW Fan”
Metal as “Metal”
SU182 as “SU182”
Nic as “Nic”
Asperix as “Bouncing Betty”
`sfk style as “Sir Francis Kanyon Style, aka Tom Wombat, the Six Flags King”
Steve as “Steve”
Silenced as “Silenced”
Rct flame as “T-Bird”
Hevy DeVy as “Hevy Devil”
yyo as “yyo”
Rage as “Rage”
Ska-Man as “Ska-Man”
ride6 as “ride6”
TsUnami as “The Black Widow”
minnimee85 as “Minni”
Dior as “Fabrice Case”
Caddie Gone Mad as “CGM”
Mad Dawg as “Mad Dawg”
Lucifer as “A.J.”


SPECIAL APPEARANCES BY:
Fatha’
Excite
CoasterEd
Blitz-sama
Danimator
Alex
Guljam
cBass
vTd


SPECIAL EFFECTS BY:
Google Image Search
Adobe Photoshop 7.0
Adobe Photoshop CS


MUSIC CREDITS:
Random Hillbilly Getaway Music with Banjos
World Wrestling Entertainment – “The Eye of the Hurricane”
Kill Bill Vol. 1 – “Battle without Honor or Humility”
Batman – “Theme (1960s version)”
Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers – “Theme (modified)”


SPECIAL THANKS TO:
The NE community for providing such a fun palette of characters, and for receiving this so well.
Matthew “Iris” Irisarri for starting such a great site.


COPYRIGHT 2004 C.S.D.I Productions and New Element Productions
All Rights Reserved.

(cape)

Great ending. The Power Slayers shit was great. Good Job!! The whole story was wonderful. Anyways thanks for including me in it! Sequel......?

That was the best part by far! Well done Cork. Who would have seen that coming? Nobody would have seen that coming. Kumba's like...the man.

Funniest shit I've heard in days.

Awesome story dude. Hillarious. The ending was wonderful too. Nice twist. I somehow expected it though.

I think there were about ten total references in this last part, referring to eight different things (meaning there were two pairs that refered to the same thing each).

List all ten and what they allude to and you get a cookie. Or custom title. Or something.

Also, look for a questionaire on "favorite ____" coming soon.

Wow. I can't wait until the next movie

Well that sucked.

Just kidding of course. Even though the ending was quite depressing. Good none-the-less.

I died with style.

I wasn't in it? what has this world come to? nah jp i read the entire thing and it was hillarious, this is the most reading i have done in 5 years

Wow, that was an awesome finish. Pity I had to die, but still, the battle scenes were great and the twist at the end was spectacular.

Incredible, I'm honoured to have had such a main character.

You should have made Kumba and Jess just start fucking on Chelsea's grave, right there. That would have kicked ass.

Besides that, though, classic shit, Corky. A much better ending than Outlaw's when Guljam just killed everyone randomly and without reason. Fucking hilarious. Even putting the smash the penguin game to good use! And I am normally opposed to penguin cruelty. The fact that you remember all the Power Ranger chant things though, that's worrying. We know what you watch when no one's looking, Corky.

PS- What would a fight between gays be called? Catfight doesn't quite work I don't think.